Time for another State of the Me.
My brother is doing really well. They moved him out of the ICU today and into a regular room. They took the bandages off his head also, and his incision is a three-sided square that starts at his right temple, goes up and across, over his ear, and then back down on the back side of his ear. Big nasty stitches but it actually looks pretty good. In fact, he looks remarkably good, considering he had brain surgery a week ago.
They've started physical therapy, getting him up and walking and working with his hands - for some reason, both his hands are really swollen and hard to use. That's more a product of all the IVs and fluids they've been pumping into him than anything to do with brain function. They said he could go home as soon as they feel he's mobile and independent enough, which could be as early as Friday.
We saw the oncologist today, who was very optimistic and made both me and my dad feel really hopeful that we're not going to lose my brother to this. As they told us before, they'll do radiation and probably chemo. But first they have to do a PET scan, which will help them see if there are any other "hot spots" of cancer cells anywhere else. They're pretty certain this was all caused by an untreated lesion on his forearm but can't say for sure. My brother took the news well - they told him the lab results yesterday. I feel like such a coward for not telling him myself when he asked, even though that's what the docs and social worker told me to do.
So, we're not out of the woods yet, but I am feeling much, much better about the situation than I was a week ago. Tomorrow is my grandmother's funeral, and I will be glad to be done with that. My other brother visited the hospital on Monday and I'm glad he's finally done that. I remember when my mom was sick, he hardly ever visited. I think he's just really uncomfortable in hospitals. I know it meant a lot to our brother for him to visit.
My brother's best friend flew in from Long Beach. He got in Sunday morning and left Monday night. He's getting married this weekend and my brother was supposed to be the best man. I feel bad that he has to miss it. I'm glad his friend came out because I think it really cheered my brother up.
I went and got a manicure with my cousin H3 on Saturday afternoon, and then we had dinner & drinks with my cousin H1 and her family. It was a nice break and I really appreciated them making me get out of the hospital and not think about it for a while. I was also able to get to my doctor yesterday afternoon and she prescribed me some Xanax for when things start to feel overwhelming. She also gave me an Ambien prescription to help me sleep, but it has to be pre-authorized by my insurance, so I didn't pick it up because it would've cost over $100 without my insurance. I'll try Tylenol PM and see if that helps.
In other news, today is Mr. Fantastic's and my anniversary. Eight years. It kind of snuck up on us, what with everything going on, so we didn't really do anything special to celebrate. Mr. F did get me a card and a bouquet of flowers and we're going to try and do something in the next week or two like get a couples massage or something.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Brother update
Quick update on my brother. They extubated him today. YAY! So glad they got that tube out...he was miserable with it. He was awake for a lot of yesterday and just hated being on the machine.
Of course, despite the fact that I asked them to call me before they did it, I got there only to discover they had already done it. Grr. But my brother didn't seem to mind, and we talked, he's already getting his voice back. He says he's feeling pretty good, considering.
And one of the first things he asked me was if it was cancer...I thought he should hear it from a doctor and not me so I told him we weren't sure and were waiting to hear from the doctors. I guess that's kind of chicken of me, but I don't have any answers for him and at least if the doctor tells him, he'll be able to ask questions. But both the surgeon and the critical care doc are gone until Monday.
I told Mitch the Cute Social Worker that my brother had asked. Mitch spoke with the intern and then came in and told my brother that the surgeon would be in on Monday to tell him the results. After Mitch left, my brother looked at me and said, "Well, that doesn't sound good..." So I'm sure he's got an idea but I hope he doesn't worry about it all weekend. But I know I would.
I am really angry with my father right now. Yesterday he was supposed to be off taking care of arrangements for my Grandmother, but he didn't. He went home and got drunk and was completely useless. So today he's trying to get arrangements done for my Grandmother and who knows if he'll go by the hospital at all. When I spoke with him today, he asked why I was unhappy with him and I told him and he said, "Well, I had to decompress." And I'm like, that's great, I'm so happy that YOU got to decompress. Meanwhile, I can't sleep or eat and I'm thinking about seeing if my doctor will prescribe me some valium just so I can keep my shit together. And he's off "decompressing."
Of course, despite the fact that I asked them to call me before they did it, I got there only to discover they had already done it. Grr. But my brother didn't seem to mind, and we talked, he's already getting his voice back. He says he's feeling pretty good, considering.
And one of the first things he asked me was if it was cancer...I thought he should hear it from a doctor and not me so I told him we weren't sure and were waiting to hear from the doctors. I guess that's kind of chicken of me, but I don't have any answers for him and at least if the doctor tells him, he'll be able to ask questions. But both the surgeon and the critical care doc are gone until Monday.
I told Mitch the Cute Social Worker that my brother had asked. Mitch spoke with the intern and then came in and told my brother that the surgeon would be in on Monday to tell him the results. After Mitch left, my brother looked at me and said, "Well, that doesn't sound good..." So I'm sure he's got an idea but I hope he doesn't worry about it all weekend. But I know I would.
I am really angry with my father right now. Yesterday he was supposed to be off taking care of arrangements for my Grandmother, but he didn't. He went home and got drunk and was completely useless. So today he's trying to get arrangements done for my Grandmother and who knows if he'll go by the hospital at all. When I spoke with him today, he asked why I was unhappy with him and I told him and he said, "Well, I had to decompress." And I'm like, that's great, I'm so happy that YOU got to decompress. Meanwhile, I can't sleep or eat and I'm thinking about seeing if my doctor will prescribe me some valium just so I can keep my shit together. And he's off "decompressing."
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Brother update
Okay. So, today has not been the best day. They were unsuccessful at getting my brother off the ventilator. He was breathing fine when they turned the machine down but his blood pressure was way up and so they couldn't do it. They're going to try again tomorrow.
And then while I was at the hospital, my aunt Merrilee called the ICU to tell me that my grandmother died this morning. So my dad's going to be out of pocket for the next couple of days while he takes care of the arrangements.
I was alone at the hospital when I talked to my aunt and it all was just too much. I called Mr. F and my cousin H and they came down and my dad got there too, so I had some support pretty quick. And Mitch the social worker guy was there too, before anyone else had gotten there. Still. I...just. I'm so overwhelmed right now. I feel like I can't breathe. I have never felt less capable in my life. God, I wish my mom was here.
The one good thing about today is that while they were trying to get my brother to breathe on his own, they backed off the sedation and it made him quite alert. He was answering questions by shaking or nodding his head and squeezed my hand when I spoke to him.
And then while I was at the hospital, my aunt Merrilee called the ICU to tell me that my grandmother died this morning. So my dad's going to be out of pocket for the next couple of days while he takes care of the arrangements.
I was alone at the hospital when I talked to my aunt and it all was just too much. I called Mr. F and my cousin H and they came down and my dad got there too, so I had some support pretty quick. And Mitch the social worker guy was there too, before anyone else had gotten there. Still. I...just. I'm so overwhelmed right now. I feel like I can't breathe. I have never felt less capable in my life. God, I wish my mom was here.
The one good thing about today is that while they were trying to get my brother to breathe on his own, they backed off the sedation and it made him quite alert. He was answering questions by shaking or nodding his head and squeezed my hand when I spoke to him.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Brother update
We got some good news and some bad news today.
The good news is that they wrote the orders to wake my brother up tomorrow. The bad news is that the labs came back on the tumor and it is melanoma.
While normally associated with skin cancer, melanoma can also affect the brain because the brain has epidermis cells in it from when the body first develops in the womb. They're bringing in the oncologist (Dr. Jotte) tomorrow to talk to us and we'll know more then, but the basic plan is to do a localized radiation blast to his head and probably follow that up with chemo.
I was somewhat encouraged today because he was opening his eyes some and responding to my voice and touch. It made me feel like he was definitely still in there. We really won't know if his brain has been affected or how much until he's awake and can communicate. Once they take the ventilator out, he won't be able to talk much or at all for a while but he should be able to nod and mouth words and write. Will update again when I know more.
The good news is that they wrote the orders to wake my brother up tomorrow. The bad news is that the labs came back on the tumor and it is melanoma.
While normally associated with skin cancer, melanoma can also affect the brain because the brain has epidermis cells in it from when the body first develops in the womb. They're bringing in the oncologist (Dr. Jotte) tomorrow to talk to us and we'll know more then, but the basic plan is to do a localized radiation blast to his head and probably follow that up with chemo.
I was somewhat encouraged today because he was opening his eyes some and responding to my voice and touch. It made me feel like he was definitely still in there. We really won't know if his brain has been affected or how much until he's awake and can communicate. Once they take the ventilator out, he won't be able to talk much or at all for a while but he should be able to nod and mouth words and write. Will update again when I know more.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Brother update
Just got home from the hospital. Need to try and get some work done but thought I'd update first. Not much change, unfortunately. The doctors have decided not to extubate him today. The CT scan went well but they're worried about his cranial pressure and feel the best way to keep it managed and him calm is to keep him asleep and on the vent. They said maybe tomorrow they'll wake him up. Other than that, not much else. They put some other tube in, down to his stomach to suck anything out of there so it won't accidentally get aspirated to his lungs. He really didn't like when they did that and struggled a lot against the restraints. I can't explain how horrible it is to see him pulling against the restraints, knowing he's somewhat conscious of the breathing tube and now this other one and wanting them out. I kept talking to him, rubbing his arm and shoulder and just trying to get him to relax.
I met the clinical social worker, Mitch, who explained that his role is to help us understand what's going on and make the best decisions for my brother as his advocates. He was great, really sweet and had on a beautiful raspberry-colored button-down that made me like him immediately. He, the nurses and the critical care doc also all really impressed on me that I need to take care of myself and take frequent breaks and get out of the ICU for a while. The nurses keep asking me if I've eaten. I guess they can already tell that I'm a hoverer.
Dad's at the hospital now and I may or may not go back later depending on what I get done this afternoon. As always, please keep us in your thoughts. This is the critical stage right now.
For my reference, his surgeon is Dr. Lamond, his critical care doc is Dr. Sutarik, oncologist is Dr. Jotte.
I met the clinical social worker, Mitch, who explained that his role is to help us understand what's going on and make the best decisions for my brother as his advocates. He was great, really sweet and had on a beautiful raspberry-colored button-down that made me like him immediately. He, the nurses and the critical care doc also all really impressed on me that I need to take care of myself and take frequent breaks and get out of the ICU for a while. The nurses keep asking me if I've eaten. I guess they can already tell that I'm a hoverer.
Dad's at the hospital now and I may or may not go back later depending on what I get done this afternoon. As always, please keep us in your thoughts. This is the critical stage right now.
For my reference, his surgeon is Dr. Lamond, his critical care doc is Dr. Sutarik, oncologist is Dr. Jotte.
Quick update on my brother
Thank you all so much for your prayers and good thoughts. My brother made it okay through the surgery yesterday. It took about 6 hours and they removed a tumor the size of a golf ball from the right front side. They've kept him sedated and unconscious and in restraints since the surgery so he won't fight the ventilator. He's away having a CT scan right now to see how things are going and if he's doing all right they should extubate him and let him wake up some time today.
We won't get the biopsy results back until tomorrow at the earliest, more likely it will be Thursday. Apparently brain pathology takes longer. The surgeon told us last night that the tumor looked very agressive and his best guess is that it's a form of melanoma, which is normally associated with skin but can affect the brain as well. They won't talk about any next steps until we get the offical results.
I can't get on the wireless at the hospital which means I can't update and I can't work until I get a wireless card. I'll do that as soon as I can but in the meantime, I'll update again when I have a few minutes to run home like now.
Please keep the good thoughts coming. It's so hard to stay positive when I look at him in that hospital bed, tubes and wires running everywhere, so helpless. So completely different from the sweet, capable, larger-than-life guy I'm used to seeing. He's always taken care of me and it scares me more than I thought possible to see him like this. Thank you guys for everything and please continue to keep us in your thoughts.
We won't get the biopsy results back until tomorrow at the earliest, more likely it will be Thursday. Apparently brain pathology takes longer. The surgeon told us last night that the tumor looked very agressive and his best guess is that it's a form of melanoma, which is normally associated with skin but can affect the brain as well. They won't talk about any next steps until we get the offical results.
I can't get on the wireless at the hospital which means I can't update and I can't work until I get a wireless card. I'll do that as soon as I can but in the meantime, I'll update again when I have a few minutes to run home like now.
Please keep the good thoughts coming. It's so hard to stay positive when I look at him in that hospital bed, tubes and wires running everywhere, so helpless. So completely different from the sweet, capable, larger-than-life guy I'm used to seeing. He's always taken care of me and it scares me more than I thought possible to see him like this. Thank you guys for everything and please continue to keep us in your thoughts.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Bad news about my brother: brain tumor
Hey guys, I'm home. Comicon was amazing and I have tons of video and pics that I promise to upload soon. But right now, I need all the good wishes and thoughts and karma and prayers you can send my way.
I got a phone call while I was at the airport waiting to leave San Diego this afternoon. It was my brother telling me he has a brain tumor and is having it removed tomorrow. Mr. F picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the hospital - we've just now got back. My brother is in good spirits, the surgeon is optimistic, but they won't really know anything until they get the thing out and biopsy it. They said it's in the front-right side, which is apparently the best place to get a brain tumor if you're going to get one.
He found out Thursday but waited to tell me because he didn't want to ruin my vacation. That's so like him, always thinking about other people first. The surgery is tomorrow at 12:30 MST. Please, please, if you can spare a minute, do whatever it is you can do to help him through this. Please ask anyone who knows me to help. Pray, cross your fingers, send good thoughts, stomp grapes, throw salt, rub a rabbit's foot, anything. We need all the good stuff we can get. I'll update when I know more. Thanks, guys. ♥
I got a phone call while I was at the airport waiting to leave San Diego this afternoon. It was my brother telling me he has a brain tumor and is having it removed tomorrow. Mr. F picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the hospital - we've just now got back. My brother is in good spirits, the surgeon is optimistic, but they won't really know anything until they get the thing out and biopsy it. They said it's in the front-right side, which is apparently the best place to get a brain tumor if you're going to get one.
He found out Thursday but waited to tell me because he didn't want to ruin my vacation. That's so like him, always thinking about other people first. The surgery is tomorrow at 12:30 MST. Please, please, if you can spare a minute, do whatever it is you can do to help him through this. Please ask anyone who knows me to help. Pray, cross your fingers, send good thoughts, stomp grapes, throw salt, rub a rabbit's foot, anything. We need all the good stuff we can get. I'll update when I know more. Thanks, guys. ♥
Monday, July 2, 2007
OW. *stabbity stab*
DAMN YOU, OVARIES! *shakes tiny fist* Ow ow ow.
OW.
Why must you torment me so? I'm talking to YOU, righty.
NOT ON.
*curls into whimpering ball*
OW.
Why must you torment me so? I'm talking to YOU, righty.
NOT ON.
*curls into whimpering ball*
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
State of the me
Another state of the me... Got back a little while ago from Day 8 birthday drinks with Debra and cousin H1. Yes, it's true, I am officially off the wagon again. Am taking it very easy with the alcohol and having lots of water along with, but it's just nice to be able to go out for drinks with friends again. Was lovely, but H couldn't stay as long as I'd've liked. Great to catch up and chat with them both, though. And H gave me a birthday card and a Starbucks gift card! I can't wait to go get one of those strawberry drinks for my next treat.
Speaking of birthdays, Mr. Fantastic and I had our combined family birthday BBQ at my brother's on Day 6 of My Birthday this weekend. Got tons of great stuff, including a beautiful necklace from one of my SIL's, some gift cards for department stores (great for buying new clothes when I need them!) and a Flying Spaghetti Monster emblem for my car. Also, I ate some ice cream and it was yummy and didn't make me sick as I've been told any kind of sugar would do, due to my surgery. It was nice to know I can have a little indulgence now and then.
Speaking of health, had a doctor's appointment on Monday to draw some labs in preparation for my 3 month follow-up with my surgeon next week. (Can you believe it's been three months since my surgery?! I can't!) Blood pressure went from 146/92 before surgery to 120/70. Quite an improvement. I can't wait to see the results of my blood work - cholesterol and such. Should be interesting. Have now lost a total of 45 pounds. Yippee!
However, I am officially an Old Person. Because of the surgery, there's like a million pills I have to take every day, both morning and night. I kept forgetting which ones I took and when and so I finally broke down and got one of these: a pill organizer. Sigh. Also got a B-12 shot while I was at the doc's office, so that's one less pill I have to take every day. Plus, I really, really HATE the way that B-12 pill tastes, and I can't just swallow it, I have to let it sit under my tongue until it's gone. Blecch. But the shot is good for a month, so Yay, no more nasty B-12.
Last time I was at the grocery store, I bought Alba shave cream. This stuff ROCKS. It's more like a lotion than your tpical shaving cream, and it's a billion times better than any foam-type shaving cream I have ever used. It makes shaving so easy and so much less of a chore that I have been inspired to shave my legs more than once a month. Plus, super-soft skin when I'm done and no nicks. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Speaking of birthdays, Mr. Fantastic and I had our combined family birthday BBQ at my brother's on Day 6 of My Birthday this weekend. Got tons of great stuff, including a beautiful necklace from one of my SIL's, some gift cards for department stores (great for buying new clothes when I need them!) and a Flying Spaghetti Monster emblem for my car. Also, I ate some ice cream and it was yummy and didn't make me sick as I've been told any kind of sugar would do, due to my surgery. It was nice to know I can have a little indulgence now and then.
Speaking of health, had a doctor's appointment on Monday to draw some labs in preparation for my 3 month follow-up with my surgeon next week. (Can you believe it's been three months since my surgery?! I can't!) Blood pressure went from 146/92 before surgery to 120/70. Quite an improvement. I can't wait to see the results of my blood work - cholesterol and such. Should be interesting. Have now lost a total of 45 pounds. Yippee!
However, I am officially an Old Person. Because of the surgery, there's like a million pills I have to take every day, both morning and night. I kept forgetting which ones I took and when and so I finally broke down and got one of these: a pill organizer. Sigh. Also got a B-12 shot while I was at the doc's office, so that's one less pill I have to take every day. Plus, I really, really HATE the way that B-12 pill tastes, and I can't just swallow it, I have to let it sit under my tongue until it's gone. Blecch. But the shot is good for a month, so Yay, no more nasty B-12.
Last time I was at the grocery store, I bought Alba shave cream. This stuff ROCKS. It's more like a lotion than your tpical shaving cream, and it's a billion times better than any foam-type shaving cream I have ever used. It makes shaving so easy and so much less of a chore that I have been inspired to shave my legs more than once a month. Plus, super-soft skin when I'm done and no nicks. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Various and sundry
You want to know just how fantastic Mr. Fantastic is? Unprompted, he DVR’d the Spelling Bee for me. That’s love, man. Or at least, that’s knowing exactly how big a geek I am. And still loving me anyway.
Speaking of Mr. F loving me…do you know how much better sex is after you’ve lost 40 pounds? LOTS. The difference is all on my end – things feel different physically and I feel different mentally and in general the whole thing is way more fun. However, showing up at your 9 a.m. meeting sporting beard burn and bite marks may be slightly unprofessional. If I’d also been drunk it would’ve been just like college.
Speaking of sex…due to my surgery, I’m not allowed to get pregnant until next year. And my surgeon does not recommend that I take the Pill because in some people it doesn’t absorb as well as it should. So at my annual exam yesterday, I got a new form of birth control: the patch. I’m Paris Hilton! Except for the jail thing. So, anybody have any feedback about the patch? The doctor gave me a sample to try for a month to see if it’s what I want to use, but I’d love to hear from you all.
Also, apparently, it’s Blog Like It’s the End of the World Day. Um. So, eek, zombies are eating my cube neighbor and I fear I’m next. At least I got laid this morning.
Speaking of Mr. F loving me…do you know how much better sex is after you’ve lost 40 pounds? LOTS. The difference is all on my end – things feel different physically and I feel different mentally and in general the whole thing is way more fun. However, showing up at your 9 a.m. meeting sporting beard burn and bite marks may be slightly unprofessional. If I’d also been drunk it would’ve been just like college.
Speaking of sex…due to my surgery, I’m not allowed to get pregnant until next year. And my surgeon does not recommend that I take the Pill because in some people it doesn’t absorb as well as it should. So at my annual exam yesterday, I got a new form of birth control: the patch. I’m Paris Hilton! Except for the jail thing. So, anybody have any feedback about the patch? The doctor gave me a sample to try for a month to see if it’s what I want to use, but I’d love to hear from you all.
Also, apparently, it’s Blog Like It’s the End of the World Day. Um. So, eek, zombies are eating my cube neighbor and I fear I’m next. At least I got laid this morning.
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