Project: Diet Coke Abatement

We are now two weeks in to Project: Diet Coke Abatement. So far, so good! It hasn’t been too difficult, but maybe that’s because I’m allowing myself one a day instead of going cold turkey.

I think the key has been not to have my one allowed with breakfast. Because if I have it with breakfast, then I know I don’t get anymore the rest of the day and then I get all antsy about it. But if I wait, I feel much more relaxed knowing I can have it any time – and often I end up not having it at all!

Still not sure about giving it up altogether – I have a whole case out in the garage that needs drinkin’. But maybe once I run out of that I’ll wait and see how I do before I buy any more.

Plus, perhaps it’s a coincidence but I’ve lost two pounds since I started this. Not sure that I’ve really seen much difference in my health otherwise besides a general feeling-better. That could be all mental, but whatever works!

Eeek!

A particularly large, Jurassic Park-looking dragonfly got into the house today. I very calmly called for Mr. Fantastic to come get it as it sat on the ceiling. As Mr. F was getting the broom, the dragonfly started to get agitated and bounce around some, so then I started making EEK noises and calling a little more urgently for Mr. F.

And then the dragonfly got REALLY agitated and CAME AT ME BRO, probably because the window was right behind me but at the time it seemed like it wanted to eat my face.

As it was crashing around the kitchen trying to find a way out and/or eat my face, this dragonfly was going BUZZ THUNK BUZZ THUNK which was not the same harmless little bzz tap noise you get with a chubby fly.

So then I leapt from my chair, screaming and flailing, and ran from the kitchen while Mr. F shooed the dragonfly out the window. All while my one- and three-year-old kids were watching from downstairs. Possibly not my best moment as a role model, but I don’t think Mr. F has ever seen me run so fast.

Steve: One year.

Well. Today is a hard day.

It’s one year since Steve passed away. One whole year…and it seems like yesterday. It seems like yesterday when he called me from his car in the parking garage, afraid he’d just had a stroke because he couldn't move his right arm or speak.

I was terrified then that it was the beginning of the end and devastated to find out I was right. It all happened so fast afterwards that it took a long time to process. And although I've made a lot of progress over this past year, in some ways, I still don’t think I've really processed or accepted everything.

I still can’t bring myself to delete his email address from my contacts or take his number off my speed dial. I haven’t closed the estate; we haven’t finished going through all his things and deciding what to do with it all. I remember this from when my mom died…to take something of his and give it a new home, to remove it from its rightful place in his home is an acknowledgement that he won’t be coming back.

I’m stuck in this place where I know he’s gone but it’s difficult for me to take the next steps. I know it’s part of the process and takes time.

And it’s not as if my whole life has been on hold – how could it be with a growing boy in my life? My son was 7 months old then…not even walking yet. Now he’s a running, climbing, babbling 19 month old dynamo that keeps his dad and me hopping. He is our light and has brought us so much happiness, especially on the hard days.

And we had Christmas and birthdays and bought a new house and the world kept on and so did we. Just with a big hole that will take a long while to fill.

I miss his voice and his laugh and his presence. I miss having entire conversations in movie quotes. I miss making him dinner and how much he appreciated a home-cooked meal. I miss playing Clue or trivia or poker or just sitting around not doing much of anything.

I am so very sad that Monkey will never know his Uncle Steve. I am so glad that Steve got to know him for the short time he did. I think all the time about what a wonderful uncle he would have been.

I am also sad for me and the person I lost. He wasn’t just a brother to me. He was a best friend and someone I looked to for guidance and grounding. He was a beacon for me, a rock. And above all, for my entire life, I knew that he would always look out for me and be there to take care of me when I needed him.

It’s a hard day today, but I’m thankful to have had Steve as a brother and to have been so close to him. I’m glad I was able to be there for him when he needed me.

I miss you with all my heart, T.B. Cott. I wish you were here.

It begins again...Happy 12 Days of My Birthday to Me; Plus: A Surprise!

As many of you know, I like my birthday to be a Big Deal. To that end, each year I often have multiple celebrations of various types – BBQs, drinks with the girls, etc. with the different people in my life. Quite a few years ago, my brother Steve noted this fact and called it “the 12 Days Jennie’s Birthday.” Ever since then, I have continued the grand tradition of the 12 Days of My Birthday, celebrating my frequently as possible with as many of my loved ones as I can in the two weeks surrounding the day itself. There is no set beginning or end and sometimes it’s more than 12 and sometimes less, but it is always wonderful and is my way of fully embracing becoming another year older instead of trying to pretend it’s not happening.

Sadly, this will be the first year since its inception that the 12 Days won’t include a celebration with its inventor, Steve. I am trying not to be sad about that and instead am soldiering on, determined that this year’s 12 Days will be just as grand as they always are.

So tonight kicks off the first of the 12 Days, drinks with my friend Debra at the Cruise Room. And Sunday is a combined Father’s Day/Birthday BBQ with our families. And tomorrow…tomorrow I am doing something but it’s a complete mystery what I’ll actually be doing. You see, my darling cousin H3 has planned for me…A Surprise.

So the other thing many of you know about me is that I Like Surprises. A lot. I am the kid who never once, not ever, peeked at my Christmas presents despite knowing where they were kept. I’ve never so much as peeled back a corner of tape on a gift ahead of time. I like knowing something good is coming, but not exactly what.

I have always really, really wanted someone to throw me a surprise party, but it’s kind of hard to pull that off when I’m always going around telling people it would be okay if they threw me a surprise party this year. But I also love anticipating something, so one of the best things in the world for me is to make plans with me for something like six weeks ahead of time so that I have a whole month and a half to think about it and what I’m going to wear and where we’re going, etc. etc. etc.

Well, at least a month ago, H3 told me she was planning something for my birthday but it was A Surprise. Eee! A Surprise! So I’ve had a whole month of thinking about what it could be. I know almost nothing – she keeps giving me these cryptic clues like what kind of shoes to wear or the fact that I may have to change my clothes but don’t need to bring a change of clothes and that I will be gone from noon until ???. And today she gave me the most intriguing clue of all. She said I would receive a phone call at noon tomorrow with directions and not to dilly dally! Ooh! A Mystery Phone Call…from who? What will they tell me to do? It's like I'm a Birthday Spy.

Seriously, a surprise outing for my birthday…I’m so excited I could wet my pants. I love to plan things and entertain and throw parties and in general do stuff for other people. So when somebody plans something especially for me, I can’t even tell you how much it means. We could be going to the dump tomorrow to pick up old tires for recycling and this would already be the best birthday ever because...A Surprise!

ETA: The surprise was so much fun! We went to an old school beauty salon and got our hair done - but like big giant roller sets under the dryers so we all had huge 60s hair.

Then we went to goodwill and bought crazy clothes to match the crazy hair and went out all dressed up! I looked like a prom queen. It was awesome and I drank too much and had a great time. ♥

30 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest

A great article from TinyBuddha...30 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest

Monkey: ONE YEAR

How do I even begin to tell you what's new with my ONE YEAR old child? I had planned to do an update every month with pictures and everything but oh, how life gets in the way sometimes.

When we left off, Peanut was 8 months old and getting ready to crawl. Now, he is just about 12 months old and taking tentative steps. I still call him Monkey, along with an assortment of other offhanded endearments.

Our little guy is as fabulous as ever – an incredible joy who brings us more happiness than we ever came close to imagining. I don't know what we would do without him. (Besides watch a lot more TV and surf a lot more internet!)

He is growing like a weed and flourishing like a flower. At his year checkup today, he was just under 30 inches tall and weighed 21 lbs 6 oz. Developmentally he's spot on – pulling up, cruising around on the furniture and sometimes taking as many as eight or 10 steps before he stops and sits down. It won't be much longer until he's a toddling maniac.

So much has happened over the last few months! It's hard to look back at pictures from six months ago and believe it's the same kid.

Food: We have been blessed with (so far) a non-picky eater. In fact, I would say he is exactly the opposite. He will and has eaten everything we've given him. If you ask him what his food preference is, it's "YES." And how funny that he's like this when, when we first started him on solids – not until after 6 months, mind you – he was all DO NOT WANT about everything we tried. I despaired that we would ever be able to sustain him with something other than my magic boobs. Formula is still strictly on the No-Fly list, however.

I don't know what happened but all of a sudden he became Hoover-baby, chomping at the spoon no matter what's on it. Apples, pears, cheerios, pasta, of course. Sweet potatoes, yes. Peas, yes. Prunes, yes. Spinach, broccoli, chicken, bagels, beef, yogurt, ham, lettuce, cheese YES YES YES!

We generally let him eat some of whatever we're eating, chopped up into bits and put on his tray, and then he usually also has a thing of baby food as well. Even though it's awful messy, he loves anything covered in spaghetti sauce, so I try to overcome my mess-phobia and let him have it even when we're not. Who knew that broccoli in spaghetti sauce would be a hit? He'll eat it plain but likes it much better sauced.

Monkey is a great eater and I'm so happy – I can only hope he keeps it up when he's older. Especially because despite the fact that I worry he's eating too much sometimes, he is in the 24% percentile for weight. Dr. Matt says he's just fine and to continue letting him eat as he wants.

Also, there have been many, many attempts at eating things that should not be eaten. I picture Monkey with a permanent little thought bubble over his head that says, "What's this? Can I put it in my mouth?" Or, more accurately, "What's this? I shall put it in my mouth!"

They say babies explore with their mouths and this is definitely true with our little guy. Everything he gets his hands on goes into his mouth. He especially loves to chew on tags. I hear there's a line of toys designed with all kinds of tags just for kids like him. Guess he'll have to get some for his birthday!

Teeth: He's got 8 fully in now – the four across the front on top. #s 9 &10 have finally broken through, which are a top molar on one side and a bottom molar on the other. They really gave him a hard time, at night especially; it kept him up, poor guy.

Walking: Monkey learned to stand in November and is now cruising around on furniture, people's legs, etc. In December my friend Erin gave us a walker that he runs around in like a madman – it has been his favorite thing ever since. He goes for walkies with Daddy down to get the mail and you can hear him squealing a mile away. He just loves it. Now that he is better at walking on his own, he tends to sit in the walker and roll himself backwards. It's hysterical to see him look back over his shoulder and kick off, flying down the hallway. I imagine in the next couple weeks when he's fully mobile upright, the walker will be abandoned and that will make me sad because I do love to see him zipping around in that thing.

He has also discovered using the dining room chair as a push toy. I can't believe he's strong enough to push it! But he is, and he's awesome at navigating that thing around the whole house. It's hardwoods all over so it is not unusual to come across an abandoned dining room chair in the hall or somewhere.

The other day, I was in the dining room working and out of the corner of my eye I saw movement across the kitchen. Looking up, I saw the stroller going by backwards. And then along comes Monkey, happily pushing it along and smiling at me as he went by. I love that my day is filled with such simple, beautiful moments like this.

Communication: My little guy babbles up a storm. He continues to be very vocal and has lately started mimicking us. We'll say something and at the end hear this little echo of the last two words we just said. And he sure talks to himself a lot…we always wonder just what it is he's saying. Won't be long now before he gets a few words that really sound like they mean something. Meanwhile, he does seem to know what we're saying much of the time. He knows who Mommy and Daddy are and claps and waves bye-bye, and especially loves to play "Where's Mommy?" The other day after dinner, I let him play with the washcloth I used to clean his face, and he started doing "Where's Monkey?" – held the cloth up in front of his own face, then yanked it down and smiled at me. He did it a couple of times until I caught on and started saying, "Wheeeere's Monkey?" and then he would giggle and hold it up again. Darling! I even got some on video.

He also knows "no" although we try not to use it except for the really dangerous stuff. Instead we aim for things like "hands off" or "hands to yourself" and thankfully, he is easily redirected.

We are trying some baby signs – right now we're working on "more" and "all done" and continuing to use the sign for milk as "yumyums."

Other stuff: It seems Monkey's favorite song has changed from Itsy Bitsy Spider to Little Bunny Foo Foo. Only problem is that I can't remember what happens at the end of Bunny Foo Foo when his three chances are up. Luckily, we tend to finish whatever it is we're doing before I get to the end. (Note to self: Find out what the hand motions are for when Little Bunny Foo Foo gets turned into a goon.)

He still loves Goodnight Moon, although we have gotten him some more books for his birthday so we can add a few more things into the rotation, seeing as I can recite Goodnight Moon in my sleep. We have quite a few more books but many of them are regular paper books which my little man destroys in seconds, so we're still on board books for a while yet. Also on the hit list: Guess How Much I Love You and Time for Bed.

He does great playing on his own too. A couple of months ago, I gave him a "safe" cabinet in the kitchen, filled with Tupperware and stuff. It also includes a large wooden spoon, which, according to Monkey, is AWESOME for banging. Mommy only agrees with this opinion for about half an hour; Daddy, not so much. It is super cute though to see him sitting on the kitchen floor with all the bowls and things spread out around him, happy as a clam banging away with his spoon.

Monkey doesn't seem to have a favorite toy as yet – he has lots of them but seems to give them all equal time. I suppose if we had to pick, the ones he seems to enjoy the most are the play keys from Aunt Heidi and the pretend cell phone I got him for our trip to Disneyland in December. We generally keep those in the car, though, so maybe he seems to like them so much because he doesn't get them all the time.

We are looking forward to his monkey-themed birthday party at Nana's this weekend. We are actually re-gifting some of the presents we got him for Christmas because he got spoiled by everyone, especially his Uncle John and Aunt Sherry. They got him so much stuff! Among other things, some cute clothes and a rocking horse that makes gallop-y noises and this adorable penguin thing that is like a giant weeble that laughs when you knock it down. He really loves the penguin and it's funny, if you bump into it and it bobbles a little, it lets out this loony laugh which is a sure fire way to get Monkey to come running (or crawling just as fast as he can!) Anyway, he pretty much liked the wrapping paper just as much as the actual gifts, so he won't even notice that many of the ones from Mommy and Daddy are the same.

Christmas this year was great but obviously a little sad. We missed Steve so much and couldn't stop thinking about excited he would have been for Monkey's first Christmas. It is getting easier day by day, but sometimes I get such an awful pang of missing him. Especially when Monkey does something exceptionally adorable that I want to tell him about. I sure hope there's some way that my mom and Steve can see what a great kid I've got.

He is such a joy – so happy, laughing and smiling all the time. Such a good kid and makes us so happy. I hope he knows – will always know – just how much we love him.

A whole year gone by already. We can't believe how much he's grown and how much we've grown too! I was so nervous about being a parent, about taking care of a baby and now I feel so accomplished and proud of my little boy.

It went so fast. I just hope the next twenty years don't go by like this or I will be an old lady all too soon!

As always, pictures here, video here.

First time away from the boy

Well, tomorrow I'm leavin' on a jet plane. Have to go to L.A. for work and won't be back until Thursday. It will be my first time away from Fletch for more than a few hours - I have never been away from him overnight before.

I'm nervous for all three of us. I know it will be hard on me - I will miss both him and Mr. Fantastic like crazy and I'm sure my boobs are going to wonder what the hell happened. I know it will be hard on Mr. F to take care of the baby all on his own and not have me and my magic boobs to help out if the going gets rough. And I know it will be hard on the boy to be without me, especially at night.

In the end, I'm sure it will be good for all of us. I need to learn how to be away from him and Fletchie needs to learn how to be away from me. And Mr. F needs to learn how it will be without me there.

I know I'm long overdue for an update on the boy - all is well, he is awesome as ever - but for now, check out the new photos and videos.

Let's have some less interesting times this year, mmmkay?

I'm sitting here, listening to my husband snore and my baby cough as we all suffer from the same plaguey virus that's going around, and I feel…well, I suppose, not technically grateful for them as they are in their current state, but in general, I feel blessed. Enriched. My husband and son have made my life better, fulfilled, interesting.

As I contemplate the dawn of a new year, I am reminded of the Chinese 'curse,' "May you live in interesting times." As a general rule, I have always felt that living in interesting times was much preferable to living in uninteresting times – not a curse at all. What fun is living if your life's not interesting?

But 2009 was a pretty interesting year for me, with the birth and the death of two of the most important people that will ever be in my life. So for 2010, I'd like a year that's a little less interesting. Obviously, with a baby who'll turn one in February (!!!) I can't hope for anything like uneventful, but I'll take all the routine happy this year would like to throw at us. A bonus would be zero trips to any hospitals of any kind for any reason, either for myself or my loved ones. I spent far too much of 2009 in hospitals and doctor's offices for my tastes.

I know there will be plenty of interesting times this year – we will always have our ups and downs. I'm just hoping for a little more middle of the road ups and downs, like skinned knees and winning $2 on my lottery ticket. Let's save the big events for a few years down the road once we've had some time to enjoy some run-of-the-mill interestingness.

Happy New Year to all!

Happy New Year to all! May 2010 bring you the things I wish for myself: health, happiness & peace. My love to you.

And so it begins...

Last night was day one of the Twelve Days of My BirthdayTM. Went out with my cousins H1, H2, H3, T and G to one of my favorite restaurants, Cherry Creek Grill (where I had a glass of champagne, a grilled artichoke and my favorite salad. YUM!) It was a really lovely way to celebrate my birthday and I had such a good time just talking and laughing with them.

I missed Peanut horribly though, and H3 and I had a hard time not talking about our babies, but everyone assured us they'd just tell us to shut up when they got sick of it (which they never did, bless them.)

Today is my actual birthday, and Mr. Fantastic and Peanut have let me take a nice long nap. And when I woke up, there were beautiful roses and cards from both of them and Mr. F is in the kitchen right now baking me a cake! And he tells me that later we are going out to eat with my dad and Steve and I'm to put on my pretty dress but won't say where we're going just yet.

Tomorrow we have a family BBQ for the both of us at Mummy Fantastic's (Mr. F's birthday is on Wednesday) so I am looking forward to that too.

By now you all know just how much I love to have a big deal made out of my birthday, so this one is already shaping up wonderfully. I love surprises!

Thanks to all of you who've already posted birthday wishes! ♥

YUM.

I had a half a PBJ today and noticed that the grape jelly seemed different. This is because it was grape jam. I liked it more than jelly, I guess because of the texture - it was more spread-y and less slide-y than jelly. For some reason, we've always bought jelly; I have no idea how we ended up with jam this time, unless Mr. F bought it. Anyway, it got me to wondering, which do people prefer and why, and actually, what's the difference?

In other news, we ran some errands tonight which brought us in the vicinity of one of the two Colorado Krispy Kremes, which is way the hell over on the other side of town and not convenient to go to at all, and which is why I went to it once when it opened years and years ago and have never been back. Mr. F and I were both in the mood for something sweet, and the HOT NOW sign was on, so we thought we'd pop in for a doughnut.

Well, we walked in and the guy just handed us free, piping hot doughnuts, which I did not remember tasting this TOTALLY AWESOME when I had one a million years ago. Man, they get you with that "first one's free," because we ended up buying a dozen to go (one of which was eaten on the way home and NOT BY THE PREGNANT WOMAN.)

In conclusion, YUM.

State of the Me

Okay. Time for another state of the me. Lots happening.

Firstly, I've got the plague again, even worse than last time. I'm feeling better today, but for the last few days I've felt like death. The worst part is not being able to rely on my precious DayQuil to fix me. My OB says Tylenol and allergy pills, but the 24-hour Claritin I had wasn't making a dent. Mr. Fantastic took my miserable self to the grocery store where we spent like $50 on cold remedies and Halloween candy, both of which made me feel immensely better. The doctor suggested I try Benadryl or Sudafed instead of the Claritin, so we got both, but so far I have only tried the Benadryl. I must bow before the altar of Benadryl, for it hath ended my misery. Thank goodness! I haven't taken it since I was a kid, because it used to make me super hyper. Now, it puts me right to sleep and dried up all my sneezy sniffles. Ahhh.

Even though the plague is under control, we still have a lot going on. With Peanut on the way, we've decided to sell our one-bedroom condo and buy a house. Yikes, in this market?! I know. But we don't have room in our place for us, let alone a baby. Technically, we'd prolly have room for the actual baby, just not for all the associated crap that comes with a baby. Anyway, so the realtor came over last week to check out our place and basically told us that half our stuff had to go. So this weekend, despite the plague and general feelings of avoidance, Mr. F and I rented a storage unit and packed away a whole bunch of stuff. It was a very daunting task which mostly involved heavy lifting on Mr. F's part and the filling of boxes on mine. Plus both of our brothers came to help with the lifting and driving portion, so it went pretty quickly.

We have crazy storage space here – awesome closets which, over the course of 6+ years, I have been able to cram full of an amazing amount of crap. It was kind of cleansing going through and tossing stuff or putting things in the goodwill pile. Plus, now my closets look unbelievably organized and actually as if they will hold more than I already know they do. Huh. I would've thought it would be a bonus for buyers to see just how much crap you can fit into a closet, but apparently not.

Our place, now devoid of all "personal" touches such as photographs and tchotchkes and literally half our furniture, looks like a hotel. Well, a very messy hotel, anyway, until I get around to straightening up and arranging what's left of our stuff. Once the place is all spiffed up, our realtor will come back and take pictures and such and get us on the market.

It's kind of sad, really, but I guess not having too much stuff or anything personal is what helps potential buyers imagine themselves living in your home. I don't want to leave here but there's just no way we can stay. *sad face* Still, I am really looking forward to a new house and preparing for this next step in our lives. I hope someone sees our place and falls just as much in love with it as we did. And then wants to give us lots of money for the privilege of living here.

The scary part of this whole moving house thing is that we can't buy a place until we sell ours. Which means once we get a contract on our place, we have like three days to pack the rest of our stuff and move out, as well as look for and buy a new place of our own. Yikes, again. I suppose if we had to, we can put the rest of our stuff in storage and live in a hotel for a week or whatever until we find a house we love. Daunting prospect, regardless!

So, along with the plague and the moving house thing…Mr. Fantastic has changed jobs. He hated his old job, has done for a long time and basically was dreading going in to the office every day. It was draining all the life and happiness from him. Even though it's not exactly the best time for it, he left. The good news is that he got a contract for two to three weeks with his brother-in-law's company. It's great money for such a short period, and it's doing something completely different which will be a good change for him.

The bad news is the job is in Nebraska. He left this morning. He was very wary of leaving me for such a long period of time, and truthfully, I'm not thrilled to have him gone, but we decided it was the best thing for us to do right now. I'm fine and there's no reason for him to worry about me or the baby, although that's not going to actually stop him worrying. Mostly, I think we'll just miss each other a whole bunch. I already feel kind of lonely in my half-empty house that's now empty of him, too.

We're not entirely sure how we're going to manage this whole packing up and moving and whatnot with him being gone, but we'll make it work. He keeps reminding me not to lift anything heavy, but it's mostly toasters and lamps and pillows and such now, so I'm not worried about that. And we still have to think about what Mr. F will be doing when he gets back in a few weeks, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Anyway, I've got a lot on my mind. Monday was a bad day – I was feeling so dreadful and thinking about all the things happening and had a few spontaneous bouts of weepiness that I know made Mr. F feel awful too. Now that I'm not feeling so sick, things don't seem as overwhelming but it's still a lot to have going on all at once. I know everything will be fine but phew, some days it feels like too much.

More Adventures in Medicine

Hoo boy. Ugh, had me another visit to the ER this weekend. Everything was fine, I was minding my own business, doing nothing out of the ordinary, when whammo! Was awoken about 6 a.m. Sunday morning with awful, horrible pain in my belly, just like what happened to me at the end of Februray.

Awful, awful stabbing pain in my front going all the way through to my back, and I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did - lay down, sit, stand, nothing helped. I thought maybe it was dehydration like last time so I tried to drink some water, but just like last time, even a sip of water gave me a stabbing pain the second it hit my stomach. I was also feeling really bloated and gassy but nothing was happening - no movement, couldn't even force a burp or anything. The pain feels like the worst gas pain you've ever had. Like a constant dull ache with periods of sharp stabbing pain, especially with any food or drink.

I tried to get on with my life and do stuff but it was hurting too much and I sent Mr. F off to his mother's for a BBQ without me. By about 4 I'd had enough and called him to come home and take me to the ER. I was hoping they'd get an IV in me and that would fix me right up.

They were much quicker getting me back this time, but maybe that's because it was Sun vs. Fri night and because I couldn't stand up straight and had Mr. F wheel me in. They got an IV in and gave me some pain killer - fentanyl again - which helped a lot but didn't make the pain go away.

They did some tests and stuff but basically couldn't figure out what was wrong. They sent me home after 4 hours with an Rx for Vicodin and another for Protonix, which I guess treats heartburn, acid reflux, etc. Even with the vicodin that night, I had a terrible time sleeping. The only thing that helped was to sit up cross-legged, hunched over a pillow in my lap with a heating pad on my back. Mr. F helped a lot by rubbing my back and also by pounding on my back - almost burping me like a baby. That helps for short periods of time but isn't lasting.

As before, it just got worse and made me nauseous. Ate nothing at all on Sunday and had a few sips of water. Monday was much the same - felt generally crappy what with both my stomach and back hurting and not having gotten much sleep. Didn't eat or drink anything all day Monday either, although Mr. F convinced me to eat two crackers on Monday night. It hurt but it did help the nausea. Had a lot of Vicodin and Gas-X and what sips of water I could manage. I called my surgeon on Monday but the soonest they could see me was this morning.

Slept a little better Monday night and things felt less bad on Tuesday. I managed to drink a whole Gatorade and some more water and two more crackers. Took less Vicodin but more Gas-X. The pain was still there but not as bad. Stil felt really bloated and gassy, though, and it's hard to explain, but my stomach feels unsupported. I actually put on my swimsuit and slept in that Monday night and Tuesday night. Somehow the slight compression made things hurt less. Maybe I ought to look into some sit ups.

Tried to have some chicken soup on Tuesday but it was an unmitigated disaster that caused hours of pain. Just for spite, later I had a couple oz. of milk and an oatmeal cookie, which, surprisingly, didn't bother me at all.

Finally saw the surgeon this morning. I've lost about 6 pounds since I saw him last week. I know most of that's water weight which is very, very bad. He's not sure what's going on either, especially since it's been four days and hasn't gone away. I'm going to have an ultrasound to look at my gall bladder and also an endoscope to check for ulcers or anything else out of the ordinary. And he told me to keep taking the Protonix and gave me something else specifically for ulcers which he wants me to start taking right away, just in case it is an ulcer.

I have been able to drink quite a bit of water today without too much pain and am now working on a protein drink since I've still had basically no nutrition since Sunday. Still having the pain but it's about a fourth what it was on Sunday. I hope we can figure out what's going on because I seriously don't want this to become a habit. I wish I could figure out if I did something wrong - did I eat something I shouldn't or eat too fast or not get enough water? I don't know and would dearly love to be able to correct my diet if possible so I can avoid ever having to do this again.

Comic Con

Hi hi hi! I'm back (again - seems like I just got back from another vacation!). Comic Con was excellent fun and I had a really great time, although I was basically exhausted the whole time and in bed asleep by ten PM. While it was fun to go to the panels and visit the exhibit hall and see San Diego and everything, I think my favorite part was getting to meet so many of my friends from online in person.

Got into town Wednesday and headed over to the convention center to pick up our badges. The line was HUGE! It was so long it snaked around a whole bunch outside and ended up going around the back of the convention center so far that we'd have been better off heading in the opposite direction to get to the end. Fortunately it moved very quickly and we were proly in line only 30-40 min.

Thursday we went to the Stan Lee, Dr. Who and Torchwood panels. Those were interesting and I was highly entertained by Stephen Moffat, the new Dr. Who writer. The moderators kept telling people not to ask questions that were basically, "Can you tell us what's going to happen in the upcoming season?" and which people kept finding ways to ask using different words. And when they did, Stephen Moffat just kept saying, "I'M NOT TELLING YOU!" Sadly, no Who cast, just the director/producer lady and the writer.

But for Torchwood, we got the two from the Dr. Who panel (because they do Torchwood too) as well as John Barroman, Gareth David-Lloyd and Naoko Mori, all three of which are my favorites, so yay. Barrowman was awesome and absolutely as dirty as you would expect from him. I love that he's so big, so larger-than-life and so unashamed to just be who he is. It was a joy to watch.

Friday was Stargate day. We met up with a bunch of the gang - thankfully some of them had gotten there earlier than we managed to and so we scored not only breakfast pastries but also a great place in line and consequently great seats in the hall. The SG-1/Continuum panel had everybody - RDA, Amanda Tapping, Michael Shanks, Ben Browder, Chris Judge and Beau Bridges, as well as Brad Wright and Martin Wood (who I love.) It was fabulous to see RDA, especially since he never goes to these things. I do loves me some MacGyver. They mostly talked about being in Antarctica and frozen poo and it was great to see their genuine affection for each other. After the Continuum panel was the Stargate Worlds panel, which is for an upcoming MMORPG and as such, I didn't really care too much about.

Then it was time for the Stargate Atlantis panel, *\o/*! Sadly, no David Hewlett this year, but I coped by staring excessively at Joe Flanigan. Also on the panel were Jewel Staite (who is always so lovely), Robert Picardo (who cracked me up!), Brad Wright and some SciFi channel lady who barely (possibly never?) spoke. And the panel was moderated by the darling and talented Martin Gero <3. Joss Whedon but which awesomely turned out to be the Dr. Horrible panel. So we not only got Joss and all his co-writers on Dr. Horrible, but also NPH, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day. Quite possibly, this was my favorite panel of the con. My crush on NPH is stronger than ever (and sadly, his being gay does nothing to dispel that - possibly makes it even worse) and oh my god, Nathan Fillion is a bigger ham than Shatner, people. He was fantastic and they were all funny and if you haven't seen Dr. Horrible yet, you shoud do so posthaste.

Thursday night about 12 of us went to this place called Extraordinary Desserts and shared some delicious desserts and tea and sat around and talked. I think that was my favorite evening. Friday was the slashers dinner which had great food by Buca di Beppo and great company but could've done with a better banquet room. Saturday Stacey and I had dinner at Ruth's Chris and watched Friday's episode of Atlantis. In between all of that, we spent a lot of time wandering around the exhibit hall and taking pictures and in general being geeks. All in all, a really fun, exciting weekend and I'm so happy I was able to go.

Vegas!

Hokay! Mr. F and I are off to Las Vegas this afternoon. YAY! Looking forward to some quality pool time at the MGM and playing some poker.

We'll be back late Sunday night, but then we're up early Monday to spend the day at Water World for my neice's birthday. So I'm offline until Tuesday. Have a great week(end)! *kisses*

And so the 12 Days of My Birthday begin!

Yes, if you're a longtime reader, you will recall that 'round about this time every year, we start the twelve days of my birthday, wherein I have somehow wrangled my loved ones into celebrating my birthday numerous times over about a two week period.

So Saturday was the Fantastic Family birthday BBQ - Mr. Fantastic's birthday is on the 24th, mine's this Friday on the 20th - so every year we have a combined family BBQ to celebrate our birthdays. We had a wonderful time at Mummy Fantastic's, BBQ'd steaks and corn and had ice cream cake and got pressies. One of my brothers couldn't be there and one of Mr. F's brothers and his family couldn't be there, so we missed those guys, but it was still great.

Got some nice gifts, including movies passes and a gift card to PF Chang's and t-shirts with names of our fantasy football teams on them. And Mummy Fantastic gave us each $100 cash for our upcoming trip to Vegas. All in all, a great start to birthday season! Happy 29v6th birthday to me!

Weekend update

Phew! What a busy weekend.

~ Thursday, played poker with Vader and our friends Daniel and Jesse stopped by. Was great to see all of them. Haven't been playing much poker lately...just not as fun as it used to be. Now I mostly go to socialize and the poker is secondary. It's funny - I hang out with Vader a lot and everybody tends to think we're dating. One of the guys at the poker table started to tell me he thought I was pretty and then stopped and apologized to Vader for basically hitting on his girlfriend, and Vade was like, "No, no, it's okay, dude - I mean, she's married, just not to me!" and then he looks at me and says, "OMG, if we keep hanging out, I am never getting laid." Lulz!

~ Friday, went to cousin H1's where her in-laws, who have a spa in Larkspur, come up a couple times a month and do a spa day at her house. So I got a hot stone facial, which was excellent. If you've never done it, you should. Now I want to get a whole hot stone body massage. I was so relaxed after the facial, I can't imagine how I'd feel after the massage. Anyway, H & T actually went to the Rockies game but I stayed and had dinner with the 'rents and the twins and T's cousin, which was a lot of fun. I think I got my first mosquito bite in years, but it was worth it sitting out in the back yard having a glass of wine and chatting. Oh, and I got to meet their new puppy, Jax, who is an 11 week old Shiba Inu and quite possibly the cutest dog I have ever seen in my life.

~ Saturday I went to cousin H3's and we went to this flea-markety thing which was lame but we also had lunch which was good. Then we went to her house and she showed me her kitchen remodel plans - their house is gorgeous to begin with, but the kitched was outdated. The new kitchen is going to be so cool. And then we ended up in her closet having me try on a bunch of her dresses because I've had no luck finding a dress for my upcoming trip to Vegas with Mr. F, a bunch of his family and my brother Steve. Anyway, she had this one adorable dress in a size 12 that I didn't want to try on because I thought it would be too small, but she forced me to try it on anyway because it's so cute - and it was too big! No so big that I can't get away with wearing it, but still, I was shocked that I fit into it. Still have some body dysmorphia going on, I guess. I ended up with three dresses and another outfit that she's letting me borrow and I am so excited! For once I'm going to look cute in Vegas. And she's all excited for me to wear her dresses because, as I have mentioned, she is knocked up and won't be wearing them for a while. Oh - that reminds me, her due date is Christmas Eve - the same birthday as Steve!

Then after I got home from H3's, I went and met H & T and Co at the People's Fair. Always good fun, food, people watching. And I just live a few blocks away so I was able to avoid the parking hassle and just walk down to meet them. And H and I got matching mendhi on our ankles - the Japanese symbol for happiness. Now I have an idea if I want to get a tatto there or not. (I'm thinking prolly not. I should take a picture and see what you think.)

~ Sunday I spent the day with Steve and Dad. We had lunch and then went and tried out Steve's new Wii. It was excellent fun! If I was ever going to allow a video game in my house, it would be the Wii. We did all sorts of games - tennis, bowling, boxing, baseball, etc. I absolutely loved the boxing; Dad prefers the bowling. And there was some awesome slasher game called No More Heroes which was incredibly complicated but totally sweet. Ooh, and we did Guitar Hero, which Steve rocked and I TOTALLY sucked at. Failed every song I tried. I did kick his ass at the boxing, though. Lots of fun.

I'm back! And better than ever, baby!

Got back yesterday from a long weekend in Grand Lake. Went with my cousins (H1, H2, H3, T, Ginger and Susan) for our Try-to-Make-it-Annually girl's trip. It was a really great time and something I definitely needed.

The cabin in Grand Lake was beautiful, with a fabulous deck that looked out at the lake. We spent most of Saturday on the deck drinking mimosas and now I've got a wicked sunburn. T kept telling me to put on sunblock and I was like, "Bah! I don't care if I fry!" Hmph. Well, I care now. Too much champagne makes a girl irresponsible.

Anyway, my face is now a piece of beef jerky. My nose especially, and I'm all puffy. Ugh. It's not going to be pretty when it all peels off. Even so, it was a heck of a lot of fun, just hanging out with the girls, drinking and telling outrageous stories. I wish I got to spend more time with all of them.
What I love about my cousins is that they are each fantastic in their own way and I have a different relationship with each of them. H1, H2 and H3 are all sisters and for much of my life, they pretty much came as a single unit. But now that we're not kids anymore, I also really enjoy spending time with them each separately. I like the focused attention – we're a pretty loud bunch and when you get us all together, it's pretty crazy. Hella fun, but hard to have much of a conversation with anyone in particular.

So we did a lot of drinking and talking and either I'm getting sick or I talked too much because I've sort of lost my voice. And we were going to go in the hot tub but it turned out to be not all that hot so the rest of us skipped that after H2 bravely tested the waters for us. 87 degrees? That's not even a warm bath. Pfft.

H1 & T made an awesome dinner on Saturday – best mashed potatoes I've ever had. Must find out what was in those! (Or truthfully, I prolly really don't want to know and should just keep eating them when she makes them.)

And I'm a huge sappy dork, but I was away from Mr. Fantastic for three days and really, really missed him. A lot. I was so excited to see him when I got home. I think I actually made a little "eee" noise when I jumped out of the car to hug him.

What a great trip, and just what I needed right now. I didn't think about Dad or Steve or anything – just focused on the girls and having fun. I'd be totally relaxed right now if it didn't hurt when I moved my face. Anyone have any sunburn tips? I'm doing aloe, cool cloths and some kind of pain-relieving spray on thing.

The Leopard Print Dress

Interesting thoughts about what we do and don't allow ourselves to wear, weight and body image. And a reminder that there's nothing sexier than confidence.

The Dress

Vacation! All I ever wanted...

So, little after-misadventure notwithstanding, our vacation to Mexico was lovely. We went to Puerto Vallarta and the hotel was beautiful (if under construction, and believe you me, our travel agent and everyone else in the world that I can think of is going to hear about that) and the weather...oh, the weather. Was fabulous. Beautiful, beautiful mid-70s, warm breezes and so humid. I had the softest skin ever there. Of course, now we're back to Colorado, I have turned into a raisin. I may have to flee back to more humid climes in self-defense.

Anyhoo, it was all very romantic and warm and I wore a big floppy fabulous hat a lot of the time and no makeup and felt very beautiful. And it really was so wonderful to spend so much time with Mr. Fantastic, just doing whatever, wandering on the beach and frolicking and whatnot. We did a lot of laying around - at the pool, on the beach, in the hot tub, etc, although I did force him into a Canopy Tour one day and a "Snorkel Adventure" another day, both of which wore us out and made us decide that while they were fun, next vacation we're literally doing nothing.

The first night we were there we walked on the beach at night like sappy romantic fools and listened to the waves and looked at the stars - oh, the stars. Well, aside from them being all wonky and backwards and upside down (took us three days to find the big dipper!) the stars were so close and huge and bright. That first night, we sat tangled up on an abandoned beach chair and drank our Corona Lights with lime (because we are ever mindful of our figures, damn the taste) and snuggled and kissed and talked softly and I wanted to cry it was so damn sweet. And as we were sitting there, all by ourselves in the night, out of nowhere there came fireworks. Fireworks! I - well, I have no words. Fireworks, just for us! I am a huge sucker for fireworks - god you should see me on the 4th of July, I'm such a patriotic sap for things that go boom - so you can imagine the look of childlike glee on my face as I sat there on a warm beach in Mexico, snuggled up with my honey watching our own fireworks display reflect off the water. It was like my own personal Say Anything moment. I nearly cried, you should ask Mr. F. God, I'm such a girl but it was awesome. I think my favorite moment from the whole trip. And well, of course you know I fell a little bit more in love with Mr. F right then, like he's the one who made the fireworks. Maybe he did.

Sunday we went to a restaurant called PiPi's, recommended by my friend Kathy, whose daughter lives in PV (that's what they call it, don't'cha know). Great food - they make the guacamole at your table to your taste and my god, it was good. I didn't even need to eat anything else. And Mr. F and I shared the world's largest margarita, although I think Mr. F got the lion's share by dint of it being too heavy for me to hold. Oh, and then on the way home, we missed our bus stop or something and it resulted in me using my high school Spanish to rescue us. I think Mr. F was suitably impressed at how much Spanish I've actually retained. Good on you, Senora Palabra!

On Monday we went on a Canopy Tour, otherwise known as the Zip Line, which is something I've wanted to do for ages. (Okay, something I've wanted to do ever since I saw it on The Amazing Race, shut up.) Anyway, it was totally cool! And kind of funny, since I'm afraid of heights - but I was so psyched to do this, I never even thought twice about the heights. There was more hiking involved than I had thought about but made sense once we got started. You'd hike up a little trail, clip on the the line and zzzzipp across the way, then hike a little trail to the next platform. Eventually we started going downhill to the next platform so it got easier toward the end. It was absolutely beautiful and exhilarating and I'm thrilled we did it. Plus, a year ago, this is something I physically wouldn't have been able to do - wouldn't have been able to take the hiking, would've been too heavy for the zip line - so it was really kind of a milestone for me.

Monday night we went to our "fancy" dinner - got all dressed up and everything. Had absolutely excellent food at the hotel next door. Mr. F and I decided we should just always share filet mignon and scallops and never eat anything else. Yum.

On Tuesday, we went on what we thought was going to be a snorkeling trip but which turned out to be more of a booze cruise. Eh. It was fun, once we realized that the 20 minutes of snorkeling in cloudy water was all the snorkeling there was going to be. We'd really love to actually snorkel some time, but I guess the Pacific side of Mexico isn't known for that - you're better off on the Gulf side. It was a really great boat ride, and we even saw some whales and dolphins while we were out. The boat - I have no idea what kind it was - had these little net thingies at the front where you could sit and sort of ride over the water, and Mr. F was eventually able to convince me to sit in it with him. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back out of it once I got in! Well, I got out, but not gracefully. It was a long day in the sun and Mr. F's shins got pretty badly sunburned but it was a good time. I think next time, we'll skip that one. Also, when I jumped off the boat, I hit my big toe on something and it chipped my pedicure and is still a nasty black-and-blue.

Wednesday we spent mostly at the pool and ate lunch at the swim up bar, which I had been dying to do. I enjoyed it, although eating while sitting waist-deep in warm water mostly just made me have to pee. That was a really nice, relaxing day and I think next vacation, we plan to do more of that sort of thing as opposed to booze-cruising and zipping through the jungle. Mr. Fantastic lived up to his name and was fantastic about doing whatever I wanted. Tottenham was playing in the FA cup Sunday night and he went out to dinner with no complaint even though he would have a thousand times rather stayed at the hotel and watch the game. I still feel kind of bad about that, especially since they won and he had to miss it.

In all, it was a really great time and I'm so glad we got to spend it together, just the two of us. So often our vacations involve a whole bunch of other people and we don't get time to be sappy and romantic and walk on the beach and make me feel twenty again. And I forget that it's not just me that's the sappy romantic one. That it's Mr. F who wants to sit in the hot tub together and watch the sun set. Do you know, everywhere we went, people asked us if we were on our honeymoon? They kept saying how happy I looked. Maybe that's just a thing they say there to all the couples, but I felt like we were on our honeymoon. All giggly and hand-holdy and just...you know.

Oh, here. Stop rolling your eyes at me and go look at the pictures.