Okay, we seem to have made a compromise on the peanut butter issue. I made it a chocolate peanut butter smoothie and used half as much peanut butter. One hour later and I still feel good. Yay!
In other news...it's entirely possible that my skin may be slightly clearing up the tiniest bit somewhat. I am trying not to celebrate pre-emptively. I also seem to be able to eat regular food a bit better now and I'm way less depressed about the whole "food plan," which is good.
This week Peanut is two inches long - half of which is the head, but the book promises that's normal. Also, progesterone, while very good for the baby, is not my friend. Apparently, that's what's responsible for the gassy, burpy, bloating business.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Yum!
OMG, peanut butter protein smoothie, where have you been all my life? How is it I've been having a minimum of one protein shake a day for 15 months and I never added peanut butter? Y-U-M.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Reflections on my brother
As many of you know, roughly a year ago, my brother Steve got sick. At the end of last July, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was removed and found to be malignant - a form of melanoma. There were long, worrisome days in the hospital, then more at home as he recovered and went through chemo for six months. Then, this year in March, he had the bottom lobe of his right lung removed to take care of a tumor there that hadn't responded to the chemo. There were more long, worrisome days in the hospital and then again at home as he dealt with an infection.
Finally, at the end of April he was pronounced No Evidence of Disease - the closest the doctors will get to saying he's cured. We still have follow up appointments to do for the next year to keep an eye on things, but in general, it's over. For now, and for ever, hopefully, we're done dealing with this. Steve's back to his old self, back to work, back to living. To see him today, you would never even know he had been sick. I cannot be more thankful for how well he's come through this.
It has been quite a year, for him obviously, but for me too, and my family. Watching him go through all this has been incredibly scary but also amazing - seeing his strength as he faced a life-threatening and life-changing disease. He was always in good spirits even after weeks cooped up in the hospital, after two operations, countless poking and prodding, frighteningly severe reactions to medications, painful procedures and most of all, just plain not wanting to be there, wishing he was at home in his own bed - through all of it he never lost his good humor and sweet demeanor that those who know him find so endearing. I was so impressed at what a model patient he was. So good natured - but that's who he is, who he always has been.
I know it was frightening and life-altering for him, but it was for me, too. While I did my best to be there for him, to be supportive and do whatever he needed to get through it, I felt so helpless knowing that really, there was nothing I could do besides care for him in all the little ways I could and make sure he knew I loved him. I hated feeling so helpless and I hated being afraid that we were going to lose him. I'd spend days with my heart in my throat, afraid to leave the hospital for fear that something would happen while I was gone but unable to stay because my own life was still moving forward outside. It seemed like things would get better only for something else to happen and I'd be back there, scared to death.
Going to the hospital nearly every day was so difficult. At first it was hard for me to see him like that - so helpless and hooked up to a million tubes and wires and machines. But even later, when he was doing better, some days it was hard to make myself go - I was so sick of the hospital and what it meant, what it could mean. I took some days off but not being there was just as difficult - I felt guilty for leaving him alone there, knowing how much he hated it, knowing that life is fragile and anything could happen while my back was turned.
Coming so close to losing him reminded me just how much I love him and how much he does for us. How much I would miss him if we were to lose him. I did my best to let him know in deed and word how much I love him and how important he is in my life. I hope he does know.
When my mom died in 1997, I remember vividly how much I grew up practically overnight. I have always said that if losing my mom hadn't been the most awful thing that had ever happened to me, it would've been one of the best. I know that sounds weird, but what I mean is that it forced me to find myself, to face the absolute worst thing I could conceive and find that I was up to the task. I was 24 and still a stupid, spoiled girl who never lacked for anything. People - my mother, especially - took care of me. I had barely any concept of misery or loss or pain. I had never been tested because the people who loved me protected me from it. I learned so much from my mother's death. I learned that I could help my dad and brothers make decisions I had never even considered. I learned that I could write and give a dignified eulogy to a church crowded with friends and family without crying. I learned that I could give comfort to others even when I needed my own comfort. I learned that I could make up my own mind. I learned that I already knew the right thing to do. I learned that I could get up every day and go on even though my world had just ended.
I learned so much about so many things but mostly, I learned that I was capable of so much more than I had ever really given myself credit for.
Everything that happened this year with my brother served as a reminder to me of what I learned so long ago. I can do it. It doesn't matter what it is or how much it hurts, I know I am strong enough for whatever comes my way. Almost as much as I am thankful that we get to keep my brother for a little while longer, I am thankful for the reminder of who I am and what I can do.
Finally, at the end of April he was pronounced No Evidence of Disease - the closest the doctors will get to saying he's cured. We still have follow up appointments to do for the next year to keep an eye on things, but in general, it's over. For now, and for ever, hopefully, we're done dealing with this. Steve's back to his old self, back to work, back to living. To see him today, you would never even know he had been sick. I cannot be more thankful for how well he's come through this.
It has been quite a year, for him obviously, but for me too, and my family. Watching him go through all this has been incredibly scary but also amazing - seeing his strength as he faced a life-threatening and life-changing disease. He was always in good spirits even after weeks cooped up in the hospital, after two operations, countless poking and prodding, frighteningly severe reactions to medications, painful procedures and most of all, just plain not wanting to be there, wishing he was at home in his own bed - through all of it he never lost his good humor and sweet demeanor that those who know him find so endearing. I was so impressed at what a model patient he was. So good natured - but that's who he is, who he always has been.
I know it was frightening and life-altering for him, but it was for me, too. While I did my best to be there for him, to be supportive and do whatever he needed to get through it, I felt so helpless knowing that really, there was nothing I could do besides care for him in all the little ways I could and make sure he knew I loved him. I hated feeling so helpless and I hated being afraid that we were going to lose him. I'd spend days with my heart in my throat, afraid to leave the hospital for fear that something would happen while I was gone but unable to stay because my own life was still moving forward outside. It seemed like things would get better only for something else to happen and I'd be back there, scared to death.
Going to the hospital nearly every day was so difficult. At first it was hard for me to see him like that - so helpless and hooked up to a million tubes and wires and machines. But even later, when he was doing better, some days it was hard to make myself go - I was so sick of the hospital and what it meant, what it could mean. I took some days off but not being there was just as difficult - I felt guilty for leaving him alone there, knowing how much he hated it, knowing that life is fragile and anything could happen while my back was turned.
Coming so close to losing him reminded me just how much I love him and how much he does for us. How much I would miss him if we were to lose him. I did my best to let him know in deed and word how much I love him and how important he is in my life. I hope he does know.
When my mom died in 1997, I remember vividly how much I grew up practically overnight. I have always said that if losing my mom hadn't been the most awful thing that had ever happened to me, it would've been one of the best. I know that sounds weird, but what I mean is that it forced me to find myself, to face the absolute worst thing I could conceive and find that I was up to the task. I was 24 and still a stupid, spoiled girl who never lacked for anything. People - my mother, especially - took care of me. I had barely any concept of misery or loss or pain. I had never been tested because the people who loved me protected me from it. I learned so much from my mother's death. I learned that I could help my dad and brothers make decisions I had never even considered. I learned that I could write and give a dignified eulogy to a church crowded with friends and family without crying. I learned that I could give comfort to others even when I needed my own comfort. I learned that I could make up my own mind. I learned that I already knew the right thing to do. I learned that I could get up every day and go on even though my world had just ended.
I learned so much about so many things but mostly, I learned that I was capable of so much more than I had ever really given myself credit for.
Everything that happened this year with my brother served as a reminder to me of what I learned so long ago. I can do it. It doesn't matter what it is or how much it hurts, I know I am strong enough for whatever comes my way. Almost as much as I am thankful that we get to keep my brother for a little while longer, I am thankful for the reminder of who I am and what I can do.
Friday, August 1, 2008
It's a "food plan," not a diet...
Okay, so I'm getting depressed about this whole...food thing. Not the 20 pounds part, that I can deal with - but the sheer frequency and amount I'm supposed to be eating.
Even if I wasn't still feeling pretty meh about food, it would be hard enough to eat as much as Dr. S wants: 5-6 meals a day plus 3 protein shakes. And these meals are supposed to be 6-8 oz of food each, which is a huge amount for me. Normally my meals consist of a handful of nuts or some string cheese or a couple slices of lunch meat. Nowhere near 6 ounces. I eat a large meal like that once a day and am very full - I can't imagine eating that six times a day.
In between all the eating and protein shakes, I also have to drink at least 64 oz of water a day, but I have to wait an hour after I eat before I'm allowed to drink anything. That particular rule really throws a wrench in the works of the new food plan. I actually had to sit down and write a schedule so I could figure out when to do what to make sure I got it all in. Behold:
9:30 AM Protein shake
11:00 AM Meal
12:00 PM Water- 16 oz
1:00 PM Meal
2:00 PM Water- 8 oz
2:30 PM Protein shake
4:00 PM Meal
5:00 PM Water- 16 oz
6:00 PM Meal
7:30 PM Protein shake
8:00 PM Water- 16 oz
9:00 PM Meal
10:00 PM Water- 8 oz
Ugh. This is very daunting. I get discouraged just looking at it, trying to imagine actually sticking to that schedule every day for the next six months. I don't want my life to revolve around when and what I eat any more than it already does! Anything for Peanut, right?
Even if I wasn't still feeling pretty meh about food, it would be hard enough to eat as much as Dr. S wants: 5-6 meals a day plus 3 protein shakes. And these meals are supposed to be 6-8 oz of food each, which is a huge amount for me. Normally my meals consist of a handful of nuts or some string cheese or a couple slices of lunch meat. Nowhere near 6 ounces. I eat a large meal like that once a day and am very full - I can't imagine eating that six times a day.
In between all the eating and protein shakes, I also have to drink at least 64 oz of water a day, but I have to wait an hour after I eat before I'm allowed to drink anything. That particular rule really throws a wrench in the works of the new food plan. I actually had to sit down and write a schedule so I could figure out when to do what to make sure I got it all in. Behold:
9:30 AM Protein shake
11:00 AM Meal
12:00 PM Water- 16 oz
1:00 PM Meal
2:00 PM Water- 8 oz
2:30 PM Protein shake
4:00 PM Meal
5:00 PM Water- 16 oz
6:00 PM Meal
7:30 PM Protein shake
8:00 PM Water- 16 oz
9:00 PM Meal
10:00 PM Water- 8 oz
Ugh. This is very daunting. I get discouraged just looking at it, trying to imagine actually sticking to that schedule every day for the next six months. I don't want my life to revolve around when and what I eat any more than it already does! Anything for Peanut, right?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Incompetent? Surely it's just a little lazy.
Next appointment is with Dr. M on Aug. 13, and then I have an appointment on the 14th for early screening tests with Dr. Wexler of Genassist. That's just to do the risk analysis of genetic defects, etc. although I dunno why Dr. M is sending me there instead of doing it herself.
Perhaps it's because of my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE, which, OMG, I'm only 35, people! I'm not ancient. But isn't it funny (read: supremely insulting) the names they come up with for things related to pregnancy?
For example, I have a friend who was recently locked up in the hospital on 8 weeks bed rest due to INCOMPETENT CERVIX. Really all this means is that her cervix is thinning and shortening (dilating) before it should. And apparently they think the baby will just fall out or something if she stands up for more than the time it takes to walk to the bathroom. (Seriously, she has to shower sitting down.)
Even worse, however, than INCOMPETENT CERVIX, is what I found out when I was visiting this friend in the hospital. Another visitior showed up while I was there, a neighbor of hers who is also recently pregnant, and was telling me that she's had several miscarriages and hadn't yet had a pregnancy make it to three months. And so she is labeled in her charts as a CHRONIC ABORTER.
I...seriously? CHRONIC ABORTER? That makes her sound like a 20-year-old crackwhore who can't be bothered with contraceptives. It not like she does it on purpose.
In other news, the peanut is growing bones and teeth this week, and is also about the size of a prune, although my book assures me much less wrinkly. Also, if Peanut is a boy, he is already producing testosterone. You know, that explains a lot.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Diet
Had an appointment today with Dr. Snyder, my surgeon, to discuss baby stuff. They were running late and kept me waiting for an hour – so annoying. But I did finally get to talk to Dr. S and he gave me some dietary instructions to go over with Dr. M.
Dr. Murahata, my OBGYN, had originally told me she wanted a weight gain of 25-30 pounds but I didn't see how it was going to be physically possible for me to do that. I'd have to sit around eating McDonald's all day just to get enough calories. And I really don't want to gain weight by eating crap. Anyway, Dr. S. suggests a weight gain of 20 pounds, which seems more doable. Plus he wants me to up my protein intake by a lot and wants me to do 3 protein shakes a day (that's 60 grams alone) as opposed to the one a day I've been doing.
Along with that, I'll still need to be drinking 64 oz of water a day minimum plus eating 6 "small" meals a day. But by small he means 6-8 oz of food, which is a LOT for me. I usually only have a meal that big once a day - it's really hard for me to imagine being able to eat that much multiple times a day. Usually my other "meals" are some nuts or a string cheese, etc.
I eat 5 times a day - a protein shake at 9 AM, nuts/cheese/deli meat/etc at noon, another similar snack at 3, then my biggest meal at 6, which is usually half a chicken breast and some veggies or some variation thereof, and then another snack type thing again at 9 PM.
Add in two more protein shakes plus another meal means it looks like I'm going to be basically eating, drinking and peeing ALL DAY LONG for the foreseeable future. Ugh. But anything for Peanut, right?
The good news is that I'm feeling much better – the food aversion seems to be going away and I'm eating better than I have been. I'd actually lost a couple of pounds so far this trimester what with not being able to eat much of anything for the last few weeks. Peanut and I have many fewer conversations which end in uncomfortable retching (me) or gleeful cackling (Peanut) and many more whch go like this:
Dr. Murahata, my OBGYN, had originally told me she wanted a weight gain of 25-30 pounds but I didn't see how it was going to be physically possible for me to do that. I'd have to sit around eating McDonald's all day just to get enough calories. And I really don't want to gain weight by eating crap. Anyway, Dr. S. suggests a weight gain of 20 pounds, which seems more doable. Plus he wants me to up my protein intake by a lot and wants me to do 3 protein shakes a day (that's 60 grams alone) as opposed to the one a day I've been doing.
Along with that, I'll still need to be drinking 64 oz of water a day minimum plus eating 6 "small" meals a day. But by small he means 6-8 oz of food, which is a LOT for me. I usually only have a meal that big once a day - it's really hard for me to imagine being able to eat that much multiple times a day. Usually my other "meals" are some nuts or a string cheese, etc.
I eat 5 times a day - a protein shake at 9 AM, nuts/cheese/deli meat/etc at noon, another similar snack at 3, then my biggest meal at 6, which is usually half a chicken breast and some veggies or some variation thereof, and then another snack type thing again at 9 PM.
Add in two more protein shakes plus another meal means it looks like I'm going to be basically eating, drinking and peeing ALL DAY LONG for the foreseeable future. Ugh. But anything for Peanut, right?
The good news is that I'm feeling much better – the food aversion seems to be going away and I'm eating better than I have been. I'd actually lost a couple of pounds so far this trimester what with not being able to eat much of anything for the last few weeks. Peanut and I have many fewer conversations which end in uncomfortable retching (me) or gleeful cackling (Peanut) and many more whch go like this:
- Me: *stares morosely into cabinets and fridge* Meh. How about...this? *holds up random piece of food*
- Peanut: Meh. *shrugs tiny shoulders*
So while no food is actually good yet, it's also less actively bad. Progress!
I also seem to be getting some of my energy back, although long days on my feet like at Comic Con still really take it out of me. I blame this on having to do things like growing organs for Peanut. Sheesh, do I have to do everything?
Comic Con
Hi hi hi! I'm back (again - seems like I just got back from another vacation!). Comic Con was excellent fun and I had a really great time, although I was basically exhausted the whole time and in bed asleep by ten PM. While it was fun to go to the panels and visit the exhibit hall and see San Diego and everything, I think my favorite part was getting to meet so many of my friends from online in person.
Got into town Wednesday and headed over to the convention center to pick up our badges. The line was HUGE! It was so long it snaked around a whole bunch outside and ended up going around the back of the convention center so far that we'd have been better off heading in the opposite direction to get to the end. Fortunately it moved very quickly and we were proly in line only 30-40 min.
Thursday we went to the Stan Lee, Dr. Who and Torchwood panels. Those were interesting and I was highly entertained by Stephen Moffat, the new Dr. Who writer. The moderators kept telling people not to ask questions that were basically, "Can you tell us what's going to happen in the upcoming season?" and which people kept finding ways to ask using different words. And when they did, Stephen Moffat just kept saying, "I'M NOT TELLING YOU!" Sadly, no Who cast, just the director/producer lady and the writer.
But for Torchwood, we got the two from the Dr. Who panel (because they do Torchwood too) as well as John Barroman, Gareth David-Lloyd and Naoko Mori, all three of which are my favorites, so yay. Barrowman was awesome and absolutely as dirty as you would expect from him. I love that he's so big, so larger-than-life and so unashamed to just be who he is. It was a joy to watch.
Friday was Stargate day. We met up with a bunch of the gang - thankfully some of them had gotten there earlier than we managed to and so we scored not only breakfast pastries but also a great place in line and consequently great seats in the hall. The SG-1/Continuum panel had everybody - RDA, Amanda Tapping, Michael Shanks, Ben Browder, Chris Judge and Beau Bridges, as well as Brad Wright and Martin Wood (who I love.) It was fabulous to see RDA, especially since he never goes to these things. I do loves me some MacGyver. They mostly talked about being in Antarctica and frozen poo and it was great to see their genuine affection for each other. After the Continuum panel was the Stargate Worlds panel, which is for an upcoming MMORPG and as such, I didn't really care too much about.
Then it was time for the Stargate Atlantis panel, *\o/*! Sadly, no David Hewlett this year, but I coped by staring excessively at Joe Flanigan. Also on the panel were Jewel Staite (who is always so lovely), Robert Picardo (who cracked me up!), Brad Wright and some SciFi channel lady who barely (possibly never?) spoke. And the panel was moderated by the darling and talented Martin Gero <3. Joss Whedon but which awesomely turned out to be the Dr. Horrible panel. So we not only got Joss and all his co-writers on Dr. Horrible, but also NPH, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day. Quite possibly, this was my favorite panel of the con. My crush on NPH is stronger than ever (and sadly, his being gay does nothing to dispel that - possibly makes it even worse) and oh my god, Nathan Fillion is a bigger ham than Shatner, people. He was fantastic and they were all funny and if you haven't seen Dr. Horrible yet, you shoud do so posthaste.
Thursday night about 12 of us went to this place called Extraordinary Desserts and shared some delicious desserts and tea and sat around and talked. I think that was my favorite evening. Friday was the slashers dinner which had great food by Buca di Beppo and great company but could've done with a better banquet room. Saturday Stacey and I had dinner at Ruth's Chris and watched Friday's episode of Atlantis. In between all of that, we spent a lot of time wandering around the exhibit hall and taking pictures and in general being geeks. All in all, a really fun, exciting weekend and I'm so happy I was able to go.
Got into town Wednesday and headed over to the convention center to pick up our badges. The line was HUGE! It was so long it snaked around a whole bunch outside and ended up going around the back of the convention center so far that we'd have been better off heading in the opposite direction to get to the end. Fortunately it moved very quickly and we were proly in line only 30-40 min.
Thursday we went to the Stan Lee, Dr. Who and Torchwood panels. Those were interesting and I was highly entertained by Stephen Moffat, the new Dr. Who writer. The moderators kept telling people not to ask questions that were basically, "Can you tell us what's going to happen in the upcoming season?" and which people kept finding ways to ask using different words. And when they did, Stephen Moffat just kept saying, "I'M NOT TELLING YOU!" Sadly, no Who cast, just the director/producer lady and the writer.
But for Torchwood, we got the two from the Dr. Who panel (because they do Torchwood too) as well as John Barroman, Gareth David-Lloyd and Naoko Mori, all three of which are my favorites, so yay. Barrowman was awesome and absolutely as dirty as you would expect from him. I love that he's so big, so larger-than-life and so unashamed to just be who he is. It was a joy to watch.
Friday was Stargate day. We met up with a bunch of the gang - thankfully some of them had gotten there earlier than we managed to and so we scored not only breakfast pastries but also a great place in line and consequently great seats in the hall. The SG-1/Continuum panel had everybody - RDA, Amanda Tapping, Michael Shanks, Ben Browder, Chris Judge and Beau Bridges, as well as Brad Wright and Martin Wood (who I love.) It was fabulous to see RDA, especially since he never goes to these things. I do loves me some MacGyver. They mostly talked about being in Antarctica and frozen poo and it was great to see their genuine affection for each other. After the Continuum panel was the Stargate Worlds panel, which is for an upcoming MMORPG and as such, I didn't really care too much about.
Then it was time for the Stargate Atlantis panel, *\o/*! Sadly, no David Hewlett this year, but I coped by staring excessively at Joe Flanigan. Also on the panel were Jewel Staite (who is always so lovely), Robert Picardo (who cracked me up!), Brad Wright and some SciFi channel lady who barely (possibly never?) spoke. And the panel was moderated by the darling and talented Martin Gero <3. Joss Whedon but which awesomely turned out to be the Dr. Horrible panel. So we not only got Joss and all his co-writers on Dr. Horrible, but also NPH, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day. Quite possibly, this was my favorite panel of the con. My crush on NPH is stronger than ever (and sadly, his being gay does nothing to dispel that - possibly makes it even worse) and oh my god, Nathan Fillion is a bigger ham than Shatner, people. He was fantastic and they were all funny and if you haven't seen Dr. Horrible yet, you shoud do so posthaste.
Thursday night about 12 of us went to this place called Extraordinary Desserts and shared some delicious desserts and tea and sat around and talked. I think that was my favorite evening. Friday was the slashers dinner which had great food by Buca di Beppo and great company but could've done with a better banquet room. Saturday Stacey and I had dinner at Ruth's Chris and watched Friday's episode of Atlantis. In between all of that, we spent a lot of time wandering around the exhibit hall and taking pictures and in general being geeks. All in all, a really fun, exciting weekend and I'm so happy I was able to go.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Hi from PeanutLand!
Had my first official appointment with Dr. Murahata, my OBGYN, today. We did the first ultrasound and it was so exciting!
There is nothing like seeing that little peanutty shape on the monitor…and even better, watching the little flutter of the heart as it beats a mile a minute. I started crying when I saw it (big surprise there!)
Got some great pictures of peanut – I can't believe how much s/he looks like a little baby already! No tail anywhere. I swear, they are the cutest pictures of a fetus you've ever seen. Mr. Fantastic couldn't come with me today, so the tech typed in "Hi Daddy" on one of the pics for him. Aww. Seriously, cutest thing ever. Oh my god, now I totally understand people and their baby pictures. If I'm this bad now, I shudder to think what I'll be like when the baby's out here with me!
There is also a blobby thing accompanying the peanut right now – that is the yolk sack which is what feeds him/her until the placenta is established, and then it goes away. So at least little Peanut is not alone in there – it's like a nutritional teddy bear!
In other news, my neck is less pimply but that's only because my forehead is more pimply. This is not an improvement.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Sickness: Not Just for Mornings!
Urgh. It has finally started in earnest these last few days, as my books promised it would. Only I'm not having morning sickness so much as what the books have declared "food aversion." What this means for me is that, despite the fact that I'm starving, that my stomach is loudly demanding food, Peanut is having none of it. There is no food that sounds even remotely appetizing.
And then when I can finally talk Peanut into eating something, I get maybe two bites in and it's suddenly as if I've eaten a cannonball. Whatever thing I've negotiated with Peanut for - and let me tell you, Peanut has agreed to some weird things that I never would've guessed would be okay - sits heavily in my stomach before sending scouts crawling back up my throat and I sit there nauseous and regretting having wheedled Peanut into it.
The things you'd think Peanut and I could agree on - a cracker, sip of milk, gentle, innocuous foods - no dice. Plain, bland foods don't sound good to either of us. Some things just the thought of eating will make me nauseous. It's hard to stick to the high-protein, low-carb diet I'm supposed to follow as a gastric bypass patient. So there's a lot of times I'll consider eating things that I normally wouldn't. Sometimes it goes like this:
And it doesn't help that Peanut keeps tricking me into eating things only to reject them later. We've had a lot of conversations like this:
Do you know what I have eaten today? French fries. Yep. That's it. It was the only thing I could talk Peanut into and there was still some debate about it after the fact, but at least it was something. I couldn't even bring myself to have my usual protein shake today, which has almost always been okay with Peanut. At this rate, I don't think I need to worry about gaining too much weight during the first trimester - I'll be lucky if it's any.
Also, I continue to get dizzy literally every time I stand up. I keep forgetting that it's going to happen and so I'll be up out of my chair halfway on my way to whatever I'm doing when all of a sudden, whoa and I have to grab on to something. The books promise me this is also normal, although I wouldn't be surprised if my lack of food and my sometime-anemia are contributing.
In the good news category, the pimples have, for the most part, disappeared from my forehead. Unfortunately, they seem to have migrated to my neck. This is highly disturbing and I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring at my pox-ridden neck. Mr. F does his best to assure me that nobody but me even notices, but conversations like this don't do a lot to help my confidence:
That just happened the one time, though. Now, despite whatever ailment I'm moaning about, Mr. F has learned to tell me I'm wonderful and beautiful and he loves me. Sometimes he will add an offer to go get me something to eat. Smart man.
Luckily, I see my surgeon on soon to discuss diet and how to get enough protein and calories in to make sure Peanut is doing ok. And I see the OBGYN next week - looking forward to that, as it's my first ultrasound and we may be able to hear the heartbeat. Yay!
And then when I can finally talk Peanut into eating something, I get maybe two bites in and it's suddenly as if I've eaten a cannonball. Whatever thing I've negotiated with Peanut for - and let me tell you, Peanut has agreed to some weird things that I never would've guessed would be okay - sits heavily in my stomach before sending scouts crawling back up my throat and I sit there nauseous and regretting having wheedled Peanut into it.
The things you'd think Peanut and I could agree on - a cracker, sip of milk, gentle, innocuous foods - no dice. Plain, bland foods don't sound good to either of us. Some things just the thought of eating will make me nauseous. It's hard to stick to the high-protein, low-carb diet I'm supposed to follow as a gastric bypass patient. So there's a lot of times I'll consider eating things that I normally wouldn't. Sometimes it goes like this:
- Me: *rummaging through kitchen, giving long list of options to Peanut*
- Peanut: No, no and no.
- Me: Okay, how about...a potato chip?
- Peanut: No.
- Me: Peice of cheese?
- Peanut: No.
- Me: *stares forlornly at kitchen*
- Peanut: How about those Cheetos there?
- Me: Seriously?
- Peanut: Is there any ice cream?
- Me: Sigh.
And it doesn't help that Peanut keeps tricking me into eating things only to reject them later. We've had a lot of conversations like this:
- Me: *rummaging through kitchen* How about...a cracker?
- Peanut: No.
- Me: Hmm. Slice of ham? Toast?
- Peanut: No and no.
- Me: Peanut butter?
- Peanut: ...
- Me: Sorry. Um, how about some chees-
- Peanut: GOD, no.
- Me: Okay, how about this other kind of cheese?
- Peanut: Yes.
- Me: Oka-Really? All right! *nom nom nom*
- Peanut: Just kidding!
- Me: *is queasy*
- Peanut: *gleefully evil cackle*
- Me: Sigh.
Do you know what I have eaten today? French fries. Yep. That's it. It was the only thing I could talk Peanut into and there was still some debate about it after the fact, but at least it was something. I couldn't even bring myself to have my usual protein shake today, which has almost always been okay with Peanut. At this rate, I don't think I need to worry about gaining too much weight during the first trimester - I'll be lucky if it's any.
Also, I continue to get dizzy literally every time I stand up. I keep forgetting that it's going to happen and so I'll be up out of my chair halfway on my way to whatever I'm doing when all of a sudden, whoa and I have to grab on to something. The books promise me this is also normal, although I wouldn't be surprised if my lack of food and my sometime-anemia are contributing.
In the good news category, the pimples have, for the most part, disappeared from my forehead. Unfortunately, they seem to have migrated to my neck. This is highly disturbing and I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring at my pox-ridden neck. Mr. F does his best to assure me that nobody but me even notices, but conversations like this don't do a lot to help my confidence:
- Me: *frantically examining neck in mirror* Honey, look at this! It's getting worse. Do you think it's getting worse? I think it's getting worse.
- Mr. Fantastic: *soothingly* No, not at all, sweetie, it's-OH MY GOD. Er, I mean...
- Me: *despairs*
That just happened the one time, though. Now, despite whatever ailment I'm moaning about, Mr. F has learned to tell me I'm wonderful and beautiful and he loves me. Sometimes he will add an offer to go get me something to eat. Smart man.
Luckily, I see my surgeon on soon to discuss diet and how to get enough protein and calories in to make sure Peanut is doing ok. And I see the OBGYN next week - looking forward to that, as it's my first ultrasound and we may be able to hear the heartbeat. Yay!
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