Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Health care reform is a joke. Here's proof!

My dad sent me this email today:

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new health care plan being developed by the Obama Team.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Is there a word that means "bigger than a poosplosion?"


I'm writing this naked because my clothes are covered in baby poo. If you don't want to know more than that, stop reading now.

As the parent of a nearly five month old child (!!), I am no stranger to the various bodily fluids that come with the territory. I have, at times in the last five months, had various parts of my body covered in drool, spit up, pee, poo and breast milk. Sometimes all at once. We have had our share of barfs and poosplosions and diaper blowouts that require changing baby's clothes, maybe a ghetto bath with a washcloth, sometimes even requiring an actual bath if it's 'splosion-y enough.

Look, the point is, I am not afraid of a little poo or what-have-you. I have determined that once you become a parent, your acceptable level of tolerance for having any or all of the baby-associated bodily fluids on your clothes or person increases greatly. Look at all the parents walking around covered in spit up. You become resistant to the disgustingness of things. Either that or you're so sleep deprived that you just don't notice.

Despite my increased tolerance for baby poo (hee! it's funny when baby poops on daddy's hand!), today's poosplosion and subsequent blowout was masterfully horrifying. I got done feeding my little Monkey and was holding him sweetly on my lap, still sitting on the boppy, as I talked on the phone with my dad.

It started innocently enough. There were the usual poo noises he makes after a feed and I thought nothing of it, planning to let him finish the job and then change him. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then I started to notice that the places where he was pressed against me seemed a little sweatier than usual, so I leaned him forward to check his diaper, just in case - and - AND. OMG. POO. EVERYWHERE. This was like the silent assassin A-bomb of poosplosions. All up and down his back, all over my shirt and pants, all over the boppy.

I gasped mid-sentence, got off the phone with my dad and then hollered for Mr. Fantastic because this was a job for two people, at least one of whom was not screeching in horror. Mr. F took Monkey - he had to hold him by one arm and one leg to avoid getting pooed - and I ran to strip off in the bathtub, only to discover that my bra and underwear had also been 'sploded. I can't believe the amount of poo that escaped that little body. Thank heavens for Mr. F who got the boy cleaned up and dressed in new clothes while I was hopping around going "ewww" and trying to wash poo off everything at the same time.

This is why they make babies so cute. See?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Breaking News

I officially now weigh less than my driver's license says I do. *\o/*

Monday, July 6, 2009

Peanut: Four months!

Peanut - four months already! So it turns out, we're not really calling him "Peanut" all that much anymore. He has lots of nicknames - most often I call him Monkey. I have no idea where that came from, although he does have these big ears that kind of stick out, so maybe it was subconscious. And he gets called PreciousPreciousPants by the both of us a lot, with the occasional Captain FussyPants thrown in as needed. Also, there's Noodle and Doodlebug, and I seem to call him ____-y Bear all the time, inserting whatever adjective fits at the moment, such as Sleepy Bear, Hungry Bear, etc. This has somehow morphed into Monkey Bear oftentimes which I'm sure when he gets older will be confusing. Also, he gets from Daddy a lot Fletch-y Poo. And to round it out, I seem to be calling him Buddy a lot when we're (I'm) having a conversation. So, lots of names, but strangely, not usually the one we started with.

All is well, although we have discovered that it turns out Mom really does know best. See, since about the time he was three months-ish, Fletcher has been excessively drooly, fussier than usual - especially at night, and had green poo. If you read as many baby books as I do, you would know that these are all classic signs of teething. The books say average age for first teeth is around 6-7 months but it can happen as early as 3 and as late as 12. So I was thinking maybe he was teething but couldn't believe it was happening this early.

Fletch had a cold a couple-three weeks ago and while we were at the doctor for this, we had to see a different doc than our usual Dr. Matt. So I asked Dr. NewGuy about Fletch possibly teething already and he totally dismissed it, like "No. No chance. Waaay to early."

So of course you know where this is going...about five seconds after that doctor visit, Fletcher's first tooth broke through. I know! My little baby, all grown up. :) It's the bottom right front tooth and from the looks of things, the left one is close behind. And let me tell you, that sucker is SHARP. I am trying to figure out what we can give him to gnaw on to dull the thing down a bit.

As you may recall, some time ago Fletch randomly decided he doesn't like the binky anymore. This means that when I'm not boobing him, if he wants to suck on something he gets one of our fingers. The other day Mr. Fantastic and I were talking and right around the time Fletcher's tooth was cutting, we both thought we had paper cuts on our finger because it would sting whenever we stuck it in his mouth. Turns out it was the brand new little tooth! Ah, if only we had each complained about our respective paper cuts sooner.

Now that the tooth has fully broken through, you're taking your chances putting a finger in Fletch's mouth. Kid has a powerful bite and it hurts like the dickens if he gets a good chomp on you. Naturally, I am very concerned with how this affects breastfeeding. Turns out, since it's the bottom teeth, as long as he's latched right his tongue will cover the teeth and it shouldn't hurt me at all. It's when the top teeth come in that I'm going to have to worry. I can only hope that won't be until he's a bit older so he will be more "trainable" and I can teach him not to bite Mommy. Yikes.

Let's see...we had our 4 month checkup and shots on the 29th. Everything went well. He was a champ with the shots again and again, I cried more than he did. Same process as before, Mr. F helped hold him and two nurses gave him two simultaneous shots each. Then Mr. F cuddled him and gave him a bottle with a little sugar water (maybe 1/2 oz.) and all was right with the world. As before, he didn't seem to have any lingering effects, although he was hot that night, which I'm not sure was a fever from the shots that they told us we could expect or if it was just because of the heat. Either way, he was fine the next day.

Peanut's growing like a champ. At the 2 month checkup he was 24 inches and just shy of 10 lbs with head circumference of 15 inches. This time he was 13 lbs 13.5 oz, 25.5 inches and 16 inches head. Last time he was in the 15th percentile for weight and the 85th for height, now it's 25th for weight and 75th for height. So while he's still considered tall and skinny, he's much more roly-poly and chubby-baby looking. And of course, still the cutest baby ever. :)

He's made good progress in the rolling over department and although he hasn't quite mastered the straight front-to-back, he is quite good at the multiple roll and pushing himself off things. What that means is that I'll put him on the play mat, turn around for a millisecond, and when I turn back he is three feet away and sideways from where he was. I can see this becoming troublesome in the very near future. He's super strong - holds himself up really well, will push all the way up on his arms when on his tummy with no head wobbling at all. He can almost sit up unassisted and when he's on his back, he will lift his head up and do like a half-crunch and hold it for ages just so he can look at his feet. (They appear to be very interesting feet!)

Peanut's also getting very vocal - lots of laughing and squealing, cooing, etc. He's getting LOUD too. We'll all be minding our own business and suddenly out of nowhere Peanut will start squealing and yowling to raise the roof. I've had to ask him to hold the ruckus down several times. And now we can't stop him smiling, especially when he sees Mommy or it's time to eat. This makes Daddy sad to be second fiddle, but what can we expect? It's Mommy that has the boobie juice.

Doc tells us we can start solids any time now but we would like to hold out until 6 months. There's no evidence that it will make him sleep longer at night (we are still feeding every 2-3 hours at night but sometimes up to 4 hours during the day) and he doesn't appear to be ready yet anyway - still has the tongue thrust thing where he pushes foreign things out of his mouth.

Peanut has some favorite things (besides Mommy, that is...). He still likes bathtime and doesn't mind riding in the car. In fact, riding in the car and going for walkies in the stroller are two surefire ways to put him to sleep. Mr. F has been on some nighttime strolls when Peanut doesn't want to go to sleep. Lots of times the little guy is asleep before Mr. F gets out of the building. Peanut received a gift of a brightly colored squeaky moose from Mr. F's Aunt Joan and he seems to be partial to Mr. Moosey, so we don't go anywhere without him. Peanut also like to clutch fabric in his hand and suck on it - does this a lot with his bibs, so we have taken to giving him these cute little burp cloths to hang on to instead and he seems to love them.

And we had another first this month - swimming! Well, not actually swimming but going to the pool. First we went to the pool in our building, then to Aunt Heidi's pool with cousin Brody, and finally to Water World for cousin Megan's 12th birthday. He doesn't know what to make of the water at first but I think he had fun. He especially seemed to like the wave pool at Water World.

I have uploaded lots of Peanut videos (fairly short - most under a minute long) at my YouTube channel if you want to see Peanut being cute and hear Mr. F and me being dorks. I think I might even be in one or two of them. And as always, for Peanut pictures, check out the Peanut Gallery, which I update regularly with new photos.