Thursday, February 19, 2009

You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster... Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

We found out yesterday that my brother's surgery is being postponed. The doctors have agreed they want to give the chemotherapy more time to work on the lung tumor, so instead of going ahead with the brain surgery, they are going to do at least one more round of the chemo instead. The next round is scheduled for the first week of March - they were originally scheduled to be every three weeks.

Steve is feeling much better physically and is in much better spirits with this news. I, of course, am having mixed feelings. On the one hand, I worry that we're not moving fast enough on the brain, or what exactly this means about the lung tumor. I have to keep reminding myself that they don't want to go in surgically to take care of the lung tumor because it can and usually will leave lots of bad cells roaming around in there. It's actually better and more effective to try and kill it all with the chemo instead.

But I'm also glad because putting off the surgery gives me some time to have this baby. Apart from hoping that Steve will not actually be in the hospital when I deliver, it's crossed both our minds that there's a possibility that he might not come out of the surgery okay or at all. He said to me last night that he's glad they're putting off the surgery so he'll have a chance to at least meet my baby. They've given us no reason right now to expect the worst, and it breaks my heart to even think about it, but I can't help it. I do worry about how much longer we'll have Steve with us. I want him to have as much time as possible with his nephew.

I'm doing my best not to stress and focus instead on Peanut. Of course, being 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant, this is its own source of stress. I am so ready to have this baby and he seems to be perfectly content to keep percolating. I'm due in 3 days, but it's average for first-time moms to go over past their due date by 7-10 days. So even though Mr. Fantastic is convinced that I'm having the baby ON Sunday, I am not expecting that to happen.

I had my checkup with Dr. O on Tuesday and there was no change from last time. She asked if I wanted her to sweep my membranes, which I didn't want to do yet, and also about getting an induction scheduled for once I hit 41 weeks, which I REALLY don't want to do. So I told her I'd consider doing the sweep for next appointment and we could talk about the induction then too. I'm actually scheduled for two appointments next week - Monday for my usual checkup and then Friday they'll do an ultrasound, another NST and a biophysical profile. All this is just to make sure things are still going okay in there.

I don't want to be pressured into interventions that I don't want to do, such as an induction or the membrane sweep. I am willing to wait until 42 weeks before we start interfering, whereas the doctors don't like to wait past 41 weeks. But Dr. O just happens to be on vacation again next week, so I am seeing two of her colleagues on Mon and Fri, which I think will make it easier for me to put off scheduling the induction. I may agree to the sweep, though. It only works about half the time and carries a risk of breaking your water (something I want to avoid as long as possible), but Mr. F and I have discussed and he thinks I should consider it. I'm still thinking about it. I am anxious to get the ball rolling, and the sweep, if it works, could help avoid induction, so it's worth considering.

In the mean time, I am doing all the "natural" things I can to help get things started - eating pineapple, drinking red raspberry leaf tea and some other things. None of it may actually work, but if it does, yay! Of course, will keep everyone posted as things progress on both the baby and the brother fronts.