Thursday, June 16, 2011

Things a pregnant woman thinks about

Things a pregnant woman thinks about:
1. How comfortable are these shoes vs. how silly do they look?
2. Are these the underwear I want to be wearing when I rush to the hospital in labor?
3. How important is it that I pick up the item I/my child has just dropped?

Corollary to #3, I generally use the following decision tree to determine if I really need to pick the thing up. If at any time the answer is No, the appropriate course of action is “Ask Mr. Fantastic to get it/see if I can convince Fletch to pick it up for me.” Also, this is also usually the first course of action any time the answer is Yes but sometimes needs further consideration if Mr. F or my toddler is not readily available to pick things up for me.

Will dropped item hurt somebody/trip me if left? If yes and husband/child not available for retrieval, kick item until near something I can brace myself on to bend over and pick up. Grunt/sigh loudly.

Is dropped item food? If yes, will it become poisonous/dangerous by the time Fletch decides he wants to eat it off the floor? If yes, call Mr. F. If no, leave it. Fletch loves stale froot loops and hardened chunks of hot dog at snack time.

I have routinely considered buying one of those grabber things they make for old/short people. I should probably have one anyway since I can never reach anything with my alligator arms even when I’m not pregnant.