Week 11 of the JellyBean Progression

Week 11

11 weeks already…can’t believe it. We are telling the family this weekend…Dad and JT & maybe Sherry are coming for dinner on Friday so we can tell them, and then the big Farley Girls (with boys) Christmas party is on Saturday night, so we’ll tell all the Farleys then. And also on Saturday morning, I’m having brunch at Ginger’s, so I’ll tell the H’s et al then too. Heidi is VERY glad that the cat will be out of the bag soon so we can talk about it openly (and so she doesn’t have to worry about slipping up!)

I was starting to feel the teensiest bit less tired and then I started getting the plague this week, so I’m back to feeling exhausted. I also forgot that something about pregnancy hormones makes it hard to sleep, which is a bummer because lately I’ve been waking up at 4-5 a.m. and haven’t been able to fall back asleep until it’s time for the alarm to go off. Sigh.

Still pimply, right now it’s mostly my temples and the sides of my forehead. I do seem to have escaped so far with hardly any neck pimplage, so that’s nice.

Week 10 of the JellyBean Progression

Week 10

Still more bleargh. I am doing my best to eat regularly but ugh, it’s a chore. The week before I found out I was pregnant, I had been having increased episodes of hypoglycemia – horrible sweating dizzy spells that happen when I don’t eat right or often enough. I’d had literally one a day for almost a week and thought it was really strange because usually I’m really good about keeping on top of it. But with the increased metabolism gestation brings, my blood sugar was all out of whack and I had no idea why so I hadn’t changed my diet. So now I am back to eating smaller meals (whatever I can force down) more often. I did eat some tomato soup last night that was like the best thing I ever ate. I may have to do more soups for right now. It tasted good and didn’t make me want to die, so I got that going for me. Which is nice. At least I haven’t lost any weight this time, although I don’t think I’ve gained anything either. But at least this way I don’t have any ground to make up like last time.

So the website tells me this week JellyBean is the size of a kumquat. I still think this is a poor size comparison for those of us not from the South Pacific. For us ‘murricans and those of us who refuse to venture beyond the apple-orange-banana section of the produce department, that equals roughly just over an inch long. S/he has finished the most critical development part and is now rapidly growing tissues and organs. Vital organs – including kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver – are in place and starting to function. There are even finger and toenails growing already!

My forehead continues to be a disaster area. I need to go look up last time when all the pimples finally went away. Still tired and peeing a lot but in general I’m doing well. I swear I’m feeling movement, although it’s probably just gas because the first time around they say not to expect to feel anything before 20 weeks. And even though everything happens sooner (or you notice things sooner) with subsequent pregnancies, I think 10 weeks is still probably a bit early to be feeling a kumquat that weighs a half ounce.

And of course, it’s also still too early for me to be showing – I didn’t even need maternity pants until week 19 last time around, but I swear to you that despite the scale not moving, I swear my pants are already getting uncomfortable. Am I allowed to start going around unbuttoned and use the Bella Band yet? This is crazy. Or maybe it’s because I wore sweatpants the majority of the time last time and am now having to dress for the office much more frequently and so maybe I didn’t realize it this early before. Anyway, time to go dig up the bag full of maternity/fat clothes and sweatpants I have tucked away. No sense being uncomfortable when I have 37 pairs of sweats calling my name.

Week 9 of the JellyBean Progression: Continued

Still Week 9

Bleargh. Am having food aversion in full swing. Same as last time, I am STARVING – my tummy is actually rumbling and I can’t eat anything because the minute something goes in my mouth, it makes me want to barf. Or if I can manage to keep something down, it feels like a cannonball for the next hour. Ugh. Why do my babies always hate me? At least this time I’m not quite as pimply. But the peeing, bloating and gassiness are just the same.

And I remember being tired last time but I don’t know if I was THIS tired. I’ve only been up for three hours and I could totally go back to bed again already. Must have something to do with chasing after a spirited toddler (who will be TWO in February, OMG.)

Week 9 of the JellyBean Progression

Week 9

First prenatal appointment today. Mr. F and I discussed and have decided to keep the same OBGYN office as last time, even though they only deliver at Rose & that’s where the office is. Rose was very conveniently located when we lived in the condo – only a 3 mile, ten minute drive. Now that we’re out in the ‘burbs, it’s about 13 miles or a half hour-ish drive. Mr. F said it was fine with him as long as it was fine with me, since I’m going to be the one in labor for the half hour drive.

This time around it will also be different because when I was pregnant with Peanut, I was working from home full time. Now I’m in the office three days a week. That makes it easier to schedule and get to prenatal appointments as long as I plan it for one of the days I’m at the office. But they also have a South office not too far from home if I need to go on an off day.

The bad thing is that I won’t be able to wear sweatpants every day or take pantsless naps at will like I did with Peanut. But it will be good going in to the office and seeing people and wearing fun maternity clothes and in general being more active while pregnant.

So the prenatal visit went great – they’re guessing I’m about 9 weeks, due sometime between July 5 and 11. Maybe we’ll have a 4^th of July baby! Everything looks good, they did an ultrasound and I could see the little heartbeat fluttering and the yolk sac. The yolk sac is there for nutrition while I’m growing the placenta. Incidentally, the growing of the placenta is one reason I’m so tired all the time. They say that a pregnant woman lying down is working harder, metabolism going faster, etc. than a non-pregnant woman working out.

Anyhow, even though I know it’s impossible to get a false positive on a pregnancy test, there was still this little nagging disbelief in the back of my mind that I was actually pregnant again. Once again, it was so easy and I had been sure that it being so easy the first time was a fluke. Thank goodness I have always been, ahem, careful because apparently I get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Or something. Anyway, it was good to have the ultrasound give me visual proof that there is indeed a little JellyBean in there. I also got a couple of ultrasound pictures to take home and a little “goodie” bag with a bunch of coupons and junk and I’m supposed to go back in 3 weeks for my 12 week visit.

So last time, I accidentally spilled the beans early because I had my camera out at my birthday party and it had a picture of me with the pregnancy test on it and my nosy cousins saw it. Plus we had already had a family trip to Vegas planned and I knew my in laws would know something was up when I wasn’t drinking, so everybody found out pretty early on.

This time around, we’ve so far only told my cousin H3 and her husband and plan on waiting to tell the rest of the family around 12 weeks, which means we get to do it at Christmas. Yay! However, I’m sure my mummy-in-law and at least one sis-in-law have taken note that I didn’t drink on Thanksgiving or at MIL’s birthday dinner and so have probably already sussed it out. As H3 said, anybody who knows me would notice my sudden ceasing of both diet Coke AND wine and have a clue. Heh.

We found out I was pregnant so early last time – like two weeks – so this time I’m already amazed at how far along JellyBean is! S/he is already the size of a grape and the tadpole tail is already gone. Aww, I never had time to be concerned that I was growing a frog in there.

Coming soon: Fantastic 2.0

A week or so ago, I took a pregnancy test since I was starting to have some similar symptoms from when I was pregnant with Fletch. Unfortunately, just missing my period isn’t a good indicator of pregnancy or not – due to my PCOS, my cycle is unpredictable and it’s not unheard of for me to go 8 weeks in between.

However, I’d been feeling really tired – like, the idea of going to bed at 7:30 (or even 4:30, when I got home from work!) was really appealing. And I started getting crops of zits on both my forehead and neck. At least with Fletch, my skin was kind enough to take turns on where the crops were located.

So anyway, I took this test and got an “inconclusive” result. Like the result I got was one of the three YOU DID IT WRONG pictures in the instructions. So I must not have peed on the stick long enough or something. Seriously, I don’t know how you screw up a pregnancy test, but if it’s possible, you know I will do it. In my defense, this was an old test, the one left in the box from when I tested positive with Fletch. So perhaps it was an expired test and not operator error.

A couple days ago, I sent Mr. Fantastic to the Dollar Store to pick up another test for me. I have to digress and say that you should never, ever buy your pregnancy test at the regular grocery store again. Even the cheapie, store-brand ones are like seven bucks at Safeway. But you can get ‘em for ONE DOLLAR at the dollar store! Last time we were in the dollar store, we saw the display of pregnancy tests at the register and commented on it to the cashier and she said we would not believe how many of those they sold – it’s one of their highest revenue generators. Mr. F and I thought that was pretty funny, but you know the minute we needed one, that’s where we went.

So I got out one of my dollar pee tests this morning and checked to make sure it was all sealed and not expired or anything (‘cause you just never know when you’re buying something at the dollar store – caveat emptor!). This one was not a pee-on-the stick kind; instead, I had to pee in a cup and then use a little pipette to suck up the pee and carefully drip four drops in the little circle. Just like high school chemistry! (Um, for certain values of high school experience.) Mr. LaRue would be proud of me; I didn’t spill a drop. I think this way is actually easier than trying to pee on the stick for ten seconds and also much cleaner (for me, anyway; I somehow cannot manage not to pee on my hand as well.)

Without delay, the little pregnant line came up – no inconclusive result here! I didn’t even have to wait 3 seconds, let alone 3 minutes. But in that three seconds, whoosh…my whole life changed again. The major difference this time is that I don’t feel nearly as scared as when we found out about Fletch. This time I feel like an old pro! Check me out; I already have one kid who still has all his limbs and stuff. Despite never having had to pass any sort of parental competency test, Mr. F and I have so far done okay by our little Peanut.

We are so excited for this new chapter in our lives! I know it will be hard with two – currently there are moments when little man runs rings around us both, so we have only to hope they don’t wise up and gang up on us at some point. But I am up to the challenge!

I am also looking forward to being pregnant again. For the most part, I really enjoyed pregnancy last time. There were some drawbacks (food aversion, failing the glucose test, ANGRY LADYPARTS) but I know how to deal with all those this time around. Let’s hope there are no new curveballs!

And since it will be a while before we find out if this one’s a boy or a girl, we are calling this one JellyBean until further notice. Cheers to you, JellyBean! Can’t wait to meet you some time next summer.

*Meep-Clench-EEE*

Yesterday I had one of those heart-meltingly wonderful moments with my son that made my whole day...heck, my whole month.

He climbed up on the kitchen chair to hug me, and as he put his head on my chest, I said, "I love you, baby." and clear as day, he replied, "I love you." He's never said it before and generally doesn't string more than 2 words together, but apparently this is something Mr. Fantastic's been working on with him.

What a great feeling. My whole heart went meep-clench-EEE! ♥ This is just one of the many reasons I love being a mom.

Steve: One year.

Well. Today is a hard day.

It’s one year since Steve passed away. One whole year…and it seems like yesterday. It seems like yesterday when he called me from his car in the parking garage, afraid he’d just had a stroke because he couldn't move his right arm or speak.

I was terrified then that it was the beginning of the end and devastated to find out I was right. It all happened so fast afterwards that it took a long time to process. And although I've made a lot of progress over this past year, in some ways, I still don’t think I've really processed or accepted everything.

I still can’t bring myself to delete his email address from my contacts or take his number off my speed dial. I haven’t closed the estate; we haven’t finished going through all his things and deciding what to do with it all. I remember this from when my mom died…to take something of his and give it a new home, to remove it from its rightful place in his home is an acknowledgement that he won’t be coming back.

I’m stuck in this place where I know he’s gone but it’s difficult for me to take the next steps. I know it’s part of the process and takes time.

And it’s not as if my whole life has been on hold – how could it be with a growing boy in my life? My son was 7 months old then…not even walking yet. Now he’s a running, climbing, babbling 19 month old dynamo that keeps his dad and me hopping. He is our light and has brought us so much happiness, especially on the hard days.

And we had Christmas and birthdays and bought a new house and the world kept on and so did we. Just with a big hole that will take a long while to fill.

I miss his voice and his laugh and his presence. I miss having entire conversations in movie quotes. I miss making him dinner and how much he appreciated a home-cooked meal. I miss playing Clue or trivia or poker or just sitting around not doing much of anything.

I am so very sad that Monkey will never know his Uncle Steve. I am so glad that Steve got to know him for the short time he did. I think all the time about what a wonderful uncle he would have been.

I am also sad for me and the person I lost. He wasn’t just a brother to me. He was a best friend and someone I looked to for guidance and grounding. He was a beacon for me, a rock. And above all, for my entire life, I knew that he would always look out for me and be there to take care of me when I needed him.

It’s a hard day today, but I’m thankful to have had Steve as a brother and to have been so close to him. I’m glad I was able to be there for him when he needed me.

I miss you with all my heart, T.B. Cott. I wish you were here.

Home. FINALLY.

OMG what a day...my flight was unable to land in Denver due to weather...sposed to get here at 530...just now got her, 5 hours late. UGH.

Hot Tub Time Machine: RUN, DON'T WALK! Seriously, you must see this movie if only for the mention of Stargate fanfiction. I LOLed; would LOL again.