Week 9 of the JellyBean Progression

Week 9

First prenatal appointment today. Mr. F and I discussed and have decided to keep the same OBGYN office as last time, even though they only deliver at Rose & that’s where the office is. Rose was very conveniently located when we lived in the condo – only a 3 mile, ten minute drive. Now that we’re out in the ‘burbs, it’s about 13 miles or a half hour-ish drive. Mr. F said it was fine with him as long as it was fine with me, since I’m going to be the one in labor for the half hour drive.

This time around it will also be different because when I was pregnant with Peanut, I was working from home full time. Now I’m in the office three days a week. That makes it easier to schedule and get to prenatal appointments as long as I plan it for one of the days I’m at the office. But they also have a South office not too far from home if I need to go on an off day.

The bad thing is that I won’t be able to wear sweatpants every day or take pantsless naps at will like I did with Peanut. But it will be good going in to the office and seeing people and wearing fun maternity clothes and in general being more active while pregnant.

So the prenatal visit went great – they’re guessing I’m about 9 weeks, due sometime between July 5 and 11. Maybe we’ll have a 4^th of July baby! Everything looks good, they did an ultrasound and I could see the little heartbeat fluttering and the yolk sac. The yolk sac is there for nutrition while I’m growing the placenta. Incidentally, the growing of the placenta is one reason I’m so tired all the time. They say that a pregnant woman lying down is working harder, metabolism going faster, etc. than a non-pregnant woman working out.

Anyhow, even though I know it’s impossible to get a false positive on a pregnancy test, there was still this little nagging disbelief in the back of my mind that I was actually pregnant again. Once again, it was so easy and I had been sure that it being so easy the first time was a fluke. Thank goodness I have always been, ahem, careful because apparently I get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Or something. Anyway, it was good to have the ultrasound give me visual proof that there is indeed a little JellyBean in there. I also got a couple of ultrasound pictures to take home and a little “goodie” bag with a bunch of coupons and junk and I’m supposed to go back in 3 weeks for my 12 week visit.

So last time, I accidentally spilled the beans early because I had my camera out at my birthday party and it had a picture of me with the pregnancy test on it and my nosy cousins saw it. Plus we had already had a family trip to Vegas planned and I knew my in laws would know something was up when I wasn’t drinking, so everybody found out pretty early on.

This time around, we’ve so far only told my cousin H3 and her husband and plan on waiting to tell the rest of the family around 12 weeks, which means we get to do it at Christmas. Yay! However, I’m sure my mummy-in-law and at least one sis-in-law have taken note that I didn’t drink on Thanksgiving or at MIL’s birthday dinner and so have probably already sussed it out. As H3 said, anybody who knows me would notice my sudden ceasing of both diet Coke AND wine and have a clue. Heh.

We found out I was pregnant so early last time – like two weeks – so this time I’m already amazed at how far along JellyBean is! S/he is already the size of a grape and the tadpole tail is already gone. Aww, I never had time to be concerned that I was growing a frog in there.

Coming soon: Fantastic 2.0

A week or so ago, I took a pregnancy test since I was starting to have some similar symptoms from when I was pregnant with Fletch. Unfortunately, just missing my period isn’t a good indicator of pregnancy or not – due to my PCOS, my cycle is unpredictable and it’s not unheard of for me to go 8 weeks in between.

However, I’d been feeling really tired – like, the idea of going to bed at 7:30 (or even 4:30, when I got home from work!) was really appealing. And I started getting crops of zits on both my forehead and neck. At least with Fletch, my skin was kind enough to take turns on where the crops were located.

So anyway, I took this test and got an “inconclusive” result. Like the result I got was one of the three YOU DID IT WRONG pictures in the instructions. So I must not have peed on the stick long enough or something. Seriously, I don’t know how you screw up a pregnancy test, but if it’s possible, you know I will do it. In my defense, this was an old test, the one left in the box from when I tested positive with Fletch. So perhaps it was an expired test and not operator error.

A couple days ago, I sent Mr. Fantastic to the Dollar Store to pick up another test for me. I have to digress and say that you should never, ever buy your pregnancy test at the regular grocery store again. Even the cheapie, store-brand ones are like seven bucks at Safeway. But you can get ‘em for ONE DOLLAR at the dollar store! Last time we were in the dollar store, we saw the display of pregnancy tests at the register and commented on it to the cashier and she said we would not believe how many of those they sold – it’s one of their highest revenue generators. Mr. F and I thought that was pretty funny, but you know the minute we needed one, that’s where we went.

So I got out one of my dollar pee tests this morning and checked to make sure it was all sealed and not expired or anything (‘cause you just never know when you’re buying something at the dollar store – caveat emptor!). This one was not a pee-on-the stick kind; instead, I had to pee in a cup and then use a little pipette to suck up the pee and carefully drip four drops in the little circle. Just like high school chemistry! (Um, for certain values of high school experience.) Mr. LaRue would be proud of me; I didn’t spill a drop. I think this way is actually easier than trying to pee on the stick for ten seconds and also much cleaner (for me, anyway; I somehow cannot manage not to pee on my hand as well.)

Without delay, the little pregnant line came up – no inconclusive result here! I didn’t even have to wait 3 seconds, let alone 3 minutes. But in that three seconds, whoosh…my whole life changed again. The major difference this time is that I don’t feel nearly as scared as when we found out about Fletch. This time I feel like an old pro! Check me out; I already have one kid who still has all his limbs and stuff. Despite never having had to pass any sort of parental competency test, Mr. F and I have so far done okay by our little Peanut.

We are so excited for this new chapter in our lives! I know it will be hard with two – currently there are moments when little man runs rings around us both, so we have only to hope they don’t wise up and gang up on us at some point. But I am up to the challenge!

I am also looking forward to being pregnant again. For the most part, I really enjoyed pregnancy last time. There were some drawbacks (food aversion, failing the glucose test, ANGRY LADYPARTS) but I know how to deal with all those this time around. Let’s hope there are no new curveballs!

And since it will be a while before we find out if this one’s a boy or a girl, we are calling this one JellyBean until further notice. Cheers to you, JellyBean! Can’t wait to meet you some time next summer.

*Meep-Clench-EEE*

Yesterday I had one of those heart-meltingly wonderful moments with my son that made my whole day...heck, my whole month.

He climbed up on the kitchen chair to hug me, and as he put his head on my chest, I said, "I love you, baby." and clear as day, he replied, "I love you." He's never said it before and generally doesn't string more than 2 words together, but apparently this is something Mr. Fantastic's been working on with him.

What a great feeling. My whole heart went meep-clench-EEE! ♥ This is just one of the many reasons I love being a mom.

Steve: One year.

Well. Today is a hard day.

It’s one year since Steve passed away. One whole year…and it seems like yesterday. It seems like yesterday when he called me from his car in the parking garage, afraid he’d just had a stroke because he couldn't move his right arm or speak.

I was terrified then that it was the beginning of the end and devastated to find out I was right. It all happened so fast afterwards that it took a long time to process. And although I've made a lot of progress over this past year, in some ways, I still don’t think I've really processed or accepted everything.

I still can’t bring myself to delete his email address from my contacts or take his number off my speed dial. I haven’t closed the estate; we haven’t finished going through all his things and deciding what to do with it all. I remember this from when my mom died…to take something of his and give it a new home, to remove it from its rightful place in his home is an acknowledgement that he won’t be coming back.

I’m stuck in this place where I know he’s gone but it’s difficult for me to take the next steps. I know it’s part of the process and takes time.

And it’s not as if my whole life has been on hold – how could it be with a growing boy in my life? My son was 7 months old then…not even walking yet. Now he’s a running, climbing, babbling 19 month old dynamo that keeps his dad and me hopping. He is our light and has brought us so much happiness, especially on the hard days.

And we had Christmas and birthdays and bought a new house and the world kept on and so did we. Just with a big hole that will take a long while to fill.

I miss his voice and his laugh and his presence. I miss having entire conversations in movie quotes. I miss making him dinner and how much he appreciated a home-cooked meal. I miss playing Clue or trivia or poker or just sitting around not doing much of anything.

I am so very sad that Monkey will never know his Uncle Steve. I am so glad that Steve got to know him for the short time he did. I think all the time about what a wonderful uncle he would have been.

I am also sad for me and the person I lost. He wasn’t just a brother to me. He was a best friend and someone I looked to for guidance and grounding. He was a beacon for me, a rock. And above all, for my entire life, I knew that he would always look out for me and be there to take care of me when I needed him.

It’s a hard day today, but I’m thankful to have had Steve as a brother and to have been so close to him. I’m glad I was able to be there for him when he needed me.

I miss you with all my heart, T.B. Cott. I wish you were here.

Home. FINALLY.

OMG what a day...my flight was unable to land in Denver due to weather...sposed to get here at 530...just now got her, 5 hours late. UGH.

Hot Tub Time Machine: RUN, DON'T WALK! Seriously, you must see this movie if only for the mention of Stargate fanfiction. I LOLed; would LOL again.

Had the Fantastic clan over tonight for the first BBQ in our new house. It was great to finally be able to entertain!

I HAZ A BUCKET

First night in the new house! I hope there's no weird noises or anything...