Hi from PeanutLand!

Had my first official appointment with Dr. Murahata, my OBGYN, today. We did the first ultrasound and it was so exciting!

There is nothing like seeing that little peanutty shape on the monitor…and even better, watching the little flutter of the heart as it beats a mile a minute. I started crying when I saw it (big surprise there!)

Got some great pictures of peanut – I can't believe how much s/he looks like a little baby already! No tail anywhere. I swear, they are the cutest pictures of a fetus you've ever seen. Mr. Fantastic couldn't come with me today, so the tech typed in "Hi Daddy" on one of the pics for him. Aww. Seriously, cutest thing ever. Oh my god, now I totally understand people and their baby pictures. If I'm this bad now, I shudder to think what I'll be like when the baby's out here with me!

There is also a blobby thing accompanying the peanut right now – that is the yolk sack which is what feeds him/her until the placenta is established, and then it goes away. So at least little Peanut is not alone in there – it's like a nutritional teddy bear!

In other news, my neck is less pimply but that's only because my forehead is more pimply. This is not an improvement.

Sickness: Not Just for Mornings!

Urgh. It has finally started in earnest these last few days, as my books promised it would. Only I'm not having morning sickness so much as what the books have declared "food aversion." What this means for me is that, despite the fact that I'm starving, that my stomach is loudly demanding food, Peanut is having none of it. There is no food that sounds even remotely appetizing.

And then when I can finally talk Peanut into eating something, I get maybe two bites in and it's suddenly as if I've eaten a cannonball. Whatever thing I've negotiated with Peanut for - and let me tell you, Peanut has agreed to some weird things that I never would've guessed would be okay - sits heavily in my stomach before sending scouts crawling back up my throat and I sit there nauseous and regretting having wheedled Peanut into it.

The things you'd think Peanut and I could agree on - a cracker, sip of milk, gentle, innocuous foods - no dice. Plain, bland foods don't sound good to either of us. Some things just the thought of eating will make me nauseous. It's hard to stick to the high-protein, low-carb diet I'm supposed to follow as a gastric bypass patient. So there's a lot of times I'll consider eating things that I normally wouldn't. Sometimes it goes like this:

• Me: *rummaging through kitchen, giving long list of options to Peanut*
• Peanut: No, no and no.
• Me: Okay, how about...a potato chip?
• Peanut: No.
• Me: Peice of cheese?
• Peanut: No.
• Me: *stares forlornly at kitchen*
• Peanut: How about those Cheetos there?
• Me: Seriously?
• Peanut: Is there any ice cream?
• Me: Sigh.

And it doesn't help that Peanut keeps tricking me into eating things only to reject them later. We've had a lot of conversations like this:

• Me: *rummaging through kitchen* How about...a cracker?
• Peanut: No.
• Me: Hmm. Slice of ham? Toast?
• Peanut: No and no.
• Me: Peanut butter?
• Peanut: ...
• Me: Sorry. Um, how about some chees-
• Peanut: GOD, no.
• Me: Okay, how about this other kind of cheese?
• Peanut: Yes.
• Me: Oka-Really? All right! *nom nom nom*
• Peanut: Just kidding!
• Me: *is queasy*
• Peanut: *gleefully evil cackle*
• Me: Sigh.

Do you know what I have eaten today? French fries. Yep. That's it. It was the only thing I could talk Peanut into and there was still some debate about it after the fact, but at least it was something. I couldn't even bring myself to have my usual protein shake today, which has almost always been okay with Peanut. At this rate, I don't think I need to worry about gaining too much weight during the first trimester - I'll be lucky if it's any.

Also, I continue to get dizzy literally every time I stand up. I keep forgetting that it's going to happen and so I'll be up out of my chair halfway on my way to whatever I'm doing when all of a sudden, whoa and I have to grab on to something. The books promise me this is also normal, although I wouldn't be surprised if my lack of food and my sometime-anemia are contributing.

In the good news category, the pimples have, for the most part, disappeared from my forehead. Unfortunately, they seem to have migrated to my neck. This is highly disturbing and I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring at my pox-ridden neck. Mr. F does his best to assure me that nobody but me even notices, but conversations like this don't do a lot to help my confidence:

• Me: *frantically examining neck in mirror* Honey, look at this! It's getting worse. Do you think it's getting worse? I think it's getting worse.
• Mr. Fantastic: *soothingly* No, not at all, sweetie, it's-OH MY GOD. Er, I mean...
• Me: *despairs*

That just happened the one time, though. Now, despite whatever ailment I'm moaning about, Mr. F has learned to tell me I'm wonderful and beautiful and he loves me. Sometimes he will add an offer to go get me something to eat. Smart man.

Luckily, I see my surgeon on soon to discuss diet and how to get enough protein and calories in to make sure Peanut is doing ok. And I see the OBGYN next week - looking forward to that, as it's my first ultrasound and we may be able to hear the heartbeat. Yay!

Nap time

Things are about the same (pukey, pimply, dizzy, peeing every five minutes, etc.) with the addition that I now need an afternoon nap. Today I was sitting at the computer, working away and all of a sudden my eyes started doing that drooping thing they do during really boring meetings.

I gave my head a quick shake to try and wake up, which lasted for about three seconds. Admitting defeat, I took off my pants and settled in for a nice, hour-long nap. Woke up feeling refreshed and got back to work. Let's see how well I sleep tonight - I'm notorious for avoiding naps because I can never sleep later that night.

I gotta say, being able to take a pantsless nap in the middle of the afternoon is definitely one of the perks of working at home.

Where is the joy, I ask you? WHERE?

Oh my god, why does EVERYTHING make me want to throw up? I am STARVING and yet, if I put one morsel into my mouth, I suddenly feel like I've eaten lead shot. Bleargh. The books said this wasn't supposed to start until next week.

Meanwhile, my skin hates the baby. My forehead looks like Southeast Asia. I'm more of a pimply-faced teenager now than when I was an actual teenager.

Also, I am gassy yet constipated, which is a really interesting combination. Plus, I seem to get dizzy every time I stand up. And best of all, I found a hair growing where they normally...um, don't (oh, just see if you can guess where). That was horrifying and I am praying that either A) No more grow there because OMG, EW, I am a circus freak; or B) If they do, I will be so busy experiencing the many other joys of pregnancy that I won't notice and neither will Mr. Fantastic because OMG, EW.

Mr. F's Auntie Trish says I'm "blooming." That must be a very nice, British way of ignoring the fact that I'm barfy, zitty, gassy and hairy. When's the part where I'm glowy and beautiful?

In other news, this week, the peanut is now bigger than an actual peanut and looks like Alien, although the books promise the tail will be going away soon.

I'm baaack!

Hi hi hi! I am back. I feel like I've been gone forever!

So, our trip to Vegas was fun but fairly uneventful. Got some quality pool time in, which is the thing I was looking forward to most. We stayed at the MGM and our room was excellent - awesome bed, great view. Ate at my favorite restaurant, Mon Ami Gabi in the Paris hotel. It was really great to see some of the extended family from London, too.

I was pretty worn out by the time we got home late Sunday night, and then we had to get up early and go to the water park on Monday for my neice's 11th birthday. If I hadn't promised her at Christmas that I'd go (signed a contract and everything!) I would have slept all day instead. I need a vacation after my vacation!

Where's the loo?

Okay, who invented this having-to-pee-all-the-time thing? Because I had to pee a lot before. Now? We are bordering on comical.

I feel like those commercials with the giant ladies' room symbol and the woman with the sympathetic voice or those dancing balloons that are about to explode are talking directly to me. My faithful books tell me this is due to hormones right now but that later it will be due to the watermelon sitting on my bladder. Dude, right now it's just a tadpole.

Tadpole!

So I signed up at this website and I get an email every day telling me what the peanut is doing/looking like/etc that day.

Today's email tells me the peanut is about the size of an orange seed and resembles a tadpole, "with a rudimentary head and a tail." But also not to worry, because it won't actually become a frog.

Um, thank you for that previously unnecessary reassurance.

Vegas! Zzzz...

So we just got back from Vegas with a bunch of family. It was pretty fun - we ate at some restaurants I really like and I spent some quality time at the pool. But wow, is Vegas a different place when you're not drinking.

Not to mention, I was a complete wet blanket and was so exhausted I had to go bed by like 10pm every night. Considering how I was feeling and being less than two months in, I was surprised to see so many women like a trillion months pregnant while we were there.

With the being tired and having to pee every five minutes, I don't think I'd ever choose Vegas as a getaway to take whilst pregnant if we hadn't already had the trip planned and paid for before we found out.

Also, naturally, as I'd predicted, my sister-in-law sussed I had some news to tell at dinner when I declined to have any wine. I'd figured either she or my mother-in-law would see that I wasn't drinking and immediately guess. It was pretty funny, I said no to the wine and she said, kind of joking, "Do you have something you need to tell everyone?..." and I said, "Well...yes!" and everyone got all excited and clapped and it was really kind of fun. I was sort of nervous about making a big ol' announcement but everyone was so pleased for us that I didn't mind.

Vegas!

Hokay! Mr. F and I are off to Las Vegas this afternoon. YAY! Looking forward to some quality pool time at the MGM and playing some poker.

We'll be back late Sunday night, but then we're up early Monday to spend the day at Water World for my neice's birthday. So I'm offline until Tuesday. Have a great week(end)! *kisses*

Oops!

I've been fretting over when to tell people. We already told my dad and brothers and are figuring to tell Mr. Fantastic's mom and sister when we go to Vegas next week. (They'll prolly figure it out anyway, when I don't have a pina colada at the pool, so.)

I was wanting to wait until three months to tell anyone besides our immediate family but I accidentally screwed that up when I had all my girl cousins over for happy hour to celebrate my birthday. I knew I was walking thin ice anyway since I wouldn't be drinking, but I thought maybe I could get away with having iced tea in a glass and not prompt too many questions.

I had my camera out and we were taking pictures and next thing I know, two of my cousins were looking through the stored photos and came across the one Mr. F took of me holding the pregnancy test the day we found out. I had totally forgotten it was on there or I never would have left my camera out. Oops!

So I was in the kitchen and as I'm walking back out to the living room, one of them calls out, asking if I'm pregnant. I stopped in my tracks, all these thoughts running through my head, but mostly, How did they figure it out?! and What kind of evidence do they have? and Holy crap, I wasn't prepared for this! And then I saw them holding the camera and immediately figured out what had happened. Busted. I had no idea what to say and ultimately went with a tentative and stunned "Ah...uh...yes?"

Well, a great cheer went up and they were all hugely excited for me and of course I'm so glad especially that Heidi knows now so we can go through it together. And bonus, since she's two months ahead of me, she can tell me what to expect better than my books can!

I still have a few friends that I mainly see for events like happy hour, all of whom have requested to meet up in the next couple weeks - I guess I'll need to let them in on it as well. I feel very vaguely that I'm letting them down since I can't be their drinking buddy anymore. I know that's silly - I can still see them, still hang out, I'll just be having juice. I know everyone will just be happy for me - I think it's more the realization that wow, my life and my lifestyle is already changing and we haven't even heard the baby's heart beat yet!